The Eighth Page

Bartz’s Guide to Saving Money

Ever reach into your pocket and pull out less money than you thought you had on you? There are either a few reasons why this could have happened. You have either been pick pocketed, have a “high maintenance” girlfriend, or, most likely, you are not being smart in managing your money. I have conducted significant field research in my life on how to save as much money as possible. Like Snoop said in ’94, “[I keep] my mind on my money and my money on my mind.” This is best way to think. The single most important step to saving money is getting a good VALUE. I can not emphasize this enough. Always make sure your money is being the most productive that it can be. When it comes to groceries make sure you are getting the best price per pound, gallon, etc. CVS tends to have a lot of products at a terrible value. NEVER pay for something that you can get for free, even if it means nominal stealing. Things like laundry detergent are okay to “borrow.” A lot of middle-aged men who still live with their parents spend a lot of money on the shady parts of the internet and buying tricks… if you know what I mean. At Andover and college, students tend to order out a lot. First off, know that the delivery man, (or being PC, delivery person) doesn’t expect a huge tip from you. More importantly, never volunteer to be the bank when ordering out unless you are ordering with just one other close friend. You will never get paid back fully despite all their promises. Also, you can “forget” to pay back your friends, if you are a bad friend like I am. I hope my friends don’t read this article or I’ll have to start having to pay back a lot of my debts… In regards to clothes, I try to find the best deals on clothes weighing style and fit versus cost. Recently, it has become to cool to wear clothes with big tears, stains, or discolorations. Use this to your advantage. I am still wearing shorts from 4 years ago. Clothes are like fine wine, they get better with age. There are a few things you shouldn’t cheap out on, however. For example, don’t cheap out on flowers for your Sadie date. (NEWS ALERT: Steve Bartz is recently single and looking. I guess I should have said that before I just talked about how to be really cheap…) My good friend (I have a lot of best friends, so you’ll never guess which one) spent a record low of $2 on his flowers one year. Two bucks gets you 2 stems of filler plus a maple leaf; it looked terrible. Basically anytime you are getting a gift for someone spend some cash and don’t be cheap on the gift. Spending money isn’t bad all the time. It can do a lot of good for you. When you are depressed, buy yourself something cool to cheer up a bit. Don’t turn to emo music for help. Also, dropping large amounts of cash can impress chicks. Well not really, but a lot of guys think so. Beware of gold diggers though. This is not a comprehensive guide to saving money. It takes time to develop a plan that fits your life and saves you the most money possible. It’s a lifestyle. If you need tips on how to run a business cheaply, talk to the Phillipian. We po’. Too many golddiggers – for more info, just ask Prateek Kumar, Class of 2007.