The Eighth Page

California Politics: Rise of the Machines

Lately, Californian voters have been questioning what Arnold Schwarzenegger’s interests truly are. The Govern-ator has created controversy by appointing a democrat as the head of his staff along with cutting the California State spending budget. I was recently invited to a meeting with my many highly educated, wealthy politician friends. At that meeting, I discovered that I strongly disagreed with how many of my friends had analyzed the Schwarzenegger situation. They said that he has begun to find himself in rough spot, caught between his different promises. At that point I felt it to be a good idea to voice my opinion. I spoke to them “It may seem as though the Governator is screwing up, but we shouldn’t be worried as to how he is messing up. Have you ever seen T2: Judgment Day? He’s absolutely jacked, legitimately.” This suggestion was received with blank stares, raised eyebrows and the shaking of heads. I went on, “If we question the man’s work too much he’ll surely regress from this new, safe politician phase back to the destructive terminator mindset. And frankly, I don’t want that. that would royally soil my day; I don’t know about you all but personally, I don’t like to start my morning off being collateral damage in a high speed motorcycle chase featuring Arnold himself and that scary, claw throwing, shape morphing, European looking guy.” After I spoke it became apparent that none of my politician friends had seen T2. I realized this as they asked me to leave. And by asked me to leave, I mean that I was escorted from the meeting. And by escorted from the meeting, I really mean that two, five foot six, two hundred twenty pound, neck-less, skinhead high school dropouts broke all of the bones in all of my limbs and dragged my vegetative form from the building. But that’s all in a day’s work. You might be asking yourself, in efforts to get people out the Governator’s face, what steps have I taken since that day? Well, I am just the guy to tell you. First, I was peeled off the sidewalk and loaded onto a stretcher and heaved into the back of an ambulance. After having all of my extremities reset I went downtown and staged a protest. For forty days and forty nights I fasted outside of the church. Crowds gathered to watch and cheer me on. Unfortunately, I was too weak to speak to the crowd. I had forgotten to post signs urging people to stop questioning the Governator. Without my signs to accurately voice my position, Anti-War protestors were quick to step in and address the crowd. They told the crowd that I was putting myself through the immense struggle of fasting for the cause of world peace. The protestors then formed a circle and produced a guitar and a crude drum. Together, the protestors and my crowd sang “Where Have All the Flowers Gone”. And thus, my cause was lost. Darn anti-war protestors. Somewhat disheartened and severely emaciated, I crawled up the hill to the Andover campus. I then sat at my desk and looked in the bluebook looking for ways to get help spreading my message. I came up with an idea of my own, and I took the blue book’s advice on two. Over the course of the next few weeks I did those things: I went to Graham House, I wrote a letter to my congressman and called techmasters. PA suggests the first and the third, I came up with the second. At Graham House I did some reading and found out that the employees were mandated reporters by state law. I realized they couldn’t help me. Mitt Romney sent me a letter two weeks after I had first mailed him. Apparently he didn’t like what I had to say; he sent me anthrax, but at least he sent me something. It’s been almost two years and I still haven’t heard back from the techmasters. And thus, my cause remains lost. Now I’m writing about the cause in this article. I’d like to give a special thanks to anti-war protestors and techmasters.