The Eighth Page

Movie Date with Lawrence Dai: Final Destination 3

How many times are we able to reach our final destination? Well, the answer to that question is utterly obvious. Three. And counting. The newly released movie, Final Destination 3, is predictable, to say the least. However, if I were to say the most, I would say it was terrible. To no one’s surprise, this movie has the same exact overused plot as the first two. Some person has a vision that something will crash and they will all die. Then the one person convinces other people that something will crash and they will all die. Then something crashes and only some people die. Then the rest of them die. Die in ridiculous, gory, crazy ways. Personally, I consider reusing this plot to be a really smart move. I mean, seriously, think of the budget savings. All they had to do was change a couple of names and make the movie take place at a carnival. A carnival, real original there, guys. There’s nothing spookier than a carnival, that’s for sure. No clichés evident that I’m aware of. And I digress. But if you’re going to make a half-assed sequel, or in this case tri-quel, you might as well pick a decent movie to start with. But then again, in this case no one would bother to get their hopes up. Get their hopes up like I did for The Lion King 2. I guess I was really being dumb and ignorant. There was no way the original could ever be topped. Why did Mufasa have to go like that? Why!? But perhaps the most ridiculous aspect of this movie is the way in which the main character finds out that all the survivors are going to die. She actually somehow finds out about the plane crash that happened in Final Destination 1 and discovers that all those kids died right after. If you ask me, that right there is the most creative piece of writing I have ever seen in my life. How much lazier can these writers get? If memory serves me right, I think the scene went something like this: The Girl: Whoa. It seems as if a while ago, some kids just like us narrowly escaped death from a plane crash, but then all died right after… one by one… The Guy: Whoa. That sounds exactly like a movie I’ve seen called Final Destination. The Girl: Whoa. No way. The Guy: Whoa. What I want to know is who keeps paying for these movies to be made? Not me. To this very day, I still regret beating up those terminally ill monkeys and stealing their lunch money. I didn’t think monkeys needed to eat lunch. I mean, they were going to die anyways. Besides, the fewer the monkeys that live on this planet means the less likely of a chance that those butt-scratching primates will write another movie like Final Destination 3. Although my review is for the most part the worst lashing a tri-quel probably ever had, there are still some decent aspects to this movie. If you are a sick person with disgusting thoughts, then this movie was made for you. If you enjoy watching people get decapitated, burned to a crisp in a tanning salon, and getting shot with a nail gun, then you will love Final Destination 3. I have to hand it to the writers on this one: time keeps on passing, yet these guys keep coming of with new disgusting ways for people to die. Kudos to you. Kudos served up with some blood and gore just the way you guys like it. You disgust me. Sequels in general disgust me. I disgust me.