The following articles were written by writers new to the Features section. They both wrote in response to the prompt “Describe your most romantic experience.” They are both big goons. Please vote for which article you find funnier, via email, to firstname.lastname@example.org by Sunday night at 8:00 pm… The winner of last week’s Faceoff is Blaine Johnson. Andover Boys Hockey is the most romantic group of kids on the planet. Every single one of these fine figures of masculinity are each special in their own way. First off, I will talk about the love of my life, JP Martignetti ’06. When I hear his name I get butterflies in my stomach and goose bumps all over my body. He could be the single most romantic human being on the planet. In the following I am going to tell you about the most romantic experience of my life, the first date I ever had with John Paul. It was a warm spring evening, the birds chirping, and the aroma of flowers in the air. I was sitting on the Great Lawn, studying of course, because Zack Johnson is a hardworking student who is very driven towards his academics. As I was continuing my study of the Nuclear Dynamic Physiology of the Stem Cell Mitochondria I heard a sudden chorus of “Superstar” by the Carpenters on my cellular telephone device. And to my surprise it was Mr. John Paul Martignetti. His voice made me weak in the knees. We chatted for a bit and finally after about ten minutes of small talk he asked me if I would go on a date with him. I was in shock; I couldn’t believe that THE JP Martignetti asked me out to dinner. I told him to pick me up at the gym at 7 pm. I was so nervous; I had never gone on a date with such a hunk before. I mean this one time I did go out to dinner with J.J. McGregor, but that ended up a mess. Let’s just say that having pickle races does not go over as well with McDonalds employees as it used to. Back to the story, I ran to the gym to try and find a nice outfit for the night. I looked through my locker but all I had were Blaine socks, and those tiny cotton shorts that only Tony Christiano could fill with his glorious badonkadonk. Now I was feeling under the gun, I didn’t have anything good to wear to impress JP. I decided to turn to my last resort, the most glorious box of magic on campus, the Boys Lost and Found. My man, Jose, fills this little cardboard box up with all of the goodies that he has come across since he has commenced his greatly appreciated career here at the great Phillips Academy. As I went through the box I could not find anything that would satisfy JP’s fine taste for fashion. I ran to Jose’s little closet and told him I needed his finest clothing articles. He told me that he had the perfect item for the occasion. It was a 1984 Miami Dolphins t-shirt and a pair of electric yellow parachute pants. I threw on the clothes, gelled my hair, and ran outside anxiously awaiting JP’s arrival. After about five minutes of waiting I saw this beautiful creature arriving in the horizon. It was John Paul on his bright green tricycle. He had a grin from cheek to cheek and asked me if I was ready for a night of romance. I hopped on the back of his tricycle and we rode off into the sunset. You know what happens next. No, no that. Perv. That was the most romantic experience of my life.