After a playoff season of let downs, it seems only fitting that Super Bowl XL would resemble a Saints-Cardinals showdown. It is hard to pick the most disappointing part of this year’s “Super” Sunday. You could pick Ben Roethlisberger’s Kyle Orton “how the hell did my team just win with me in the game” impression, or the lame Super Bowl commercials (excluding the one glorious beer ad with the magic fridge). Don’t forget the Seahawks’ pulling off the worst and second worst two minute drills in Super Bowl history. And what about the officiating crew, who apparently felt awful about nearly ruining the Steelers season in Indianapolis? Sadly, the media did their very best to overshadow any and all failures on the field with its special talent for creating a background sound about as enjoyable as TV static. If Roethlisberger was terrible, then the four-headed monster of pre-game shows, John Madden, sideline reporters, and post-game interviewers were of the caliber of William Hung. As if listening to one week’s worth of hype was bad enough, the fortnight layoff for the Super Bowl was about as nauseating as eating an entire seven-layer “Super Bowl” dip. By the Tuesday after the Conference Championship games, reporters had already begun grasping at thin air for stories. Even ESPN released an article devoted entirely to the “eerie similarities” between Seattle’s Lofa Tatupu and Pittsburgh’s Troy Polamalu. The conclusion: they both graduated from USC; they are both really good, and they both have funny-sounding names. Riveting. When the game finally started, John Madden took the mundane to a new stratosphere. Madden is one of the smartest football people on earth; yet as a sportscaster, he is about as profound and articulate as my right shoe. Madden sounded like some kind of Grandpa Simpson – five-year-old girl hybrid. That’s nothing new for him, but that doesn’t change our suffering. After each play, he would ramble endlessly in an inaudible tone, and conclude: “If the Steelers want to do anything on offense today, they’re going to have to throw the ball and run the ball effectively.” Somehow, Madden made Super Bowl XL seem even less exciting than it already was. Equally as irritating were the sideline reporters, whose post-game interviews seemed like something out of Dr. Phil. As Pittsburgh players stormed the field to celebrate, many players were brought aside on national TV, and asked, “You’ve just won the Super Bowl. How does it feel?” Uh, I don’t know, Michelle Tafoya, but I’m guessing from all the jumping up and down and screaming, that he’s pretty happy. What’s more, they couldn’t even get their facts straight, despite the small amount of facts they were working with. In an interview with Troy Polamalu, a reporter said, “You recently won two championships with USC.” Polamalu politely interrupted, to say “I actually wasn’t there for those two championships.” At least Polamalu was on the winning team. Seattle coach Mike Holmgren was interviewed just hours after losing the biggest game of the year. “Do you think you lost because Pittsburgh played well, or you played poorly,” he was asked. That’s about the equivalent of asking someone enduring violent food poisoning, “Do you think that this happened because they served you the burrito, or you ate it?” Football is such an exciting game because of the amazing things that people do on the field. Why then, has broadcasting become so poor? The daily pounding of football “analysis” can often make football seem less exciting than it actually is. With that in mind, I’m off to go read about April’s draft.
