The Eighth Page


The Sports Section is enthused and ready for a great CXXIX campaign! Led by star junior writing-back Peter Dignard, who is a self-proclaimed “VAHSITY STAH,” The Sports Section anticipates a strong season in the NEPSSSL (New England Prep School Sports Section League). Dignard is notorious for his tough defense, and is the all time leading spell-checker in Andover history, having just reached the milestone of 1,118 spell-checks. Other solid contributors to this section include Senior Interior Layout Designer Rush Martin, who is a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield that is the sports layout. When asked about his future goals and thoughts for improving the Sports Section, Rush eloquently stated: “They don’t think it be like it is, but it do.”(Editors Note: Rush plans on attending the University of Phoenix Online next year, where he intends to become a cyber stalker, further ambitions lead him to a county jail). Rounding out the leaders of this motley crew is none other than PG Capslocker Will Sherrill, who is very tall. I mean seriously, have you ever seen this kid. He looks like a tree. A BIG TREE. I suppose that would be his strongest asset as a writer (his height). It certainly gives him an advantage over almost all of the other writers in the league. On a sadder note, not every member of last year’s squad was able to return to the team. Alexa Reid has been banned from the team and forced to write for the lowly News Section, for violating team rules of “too much hanky panky.” When asked to further comment on this sad state of affairs, Alexa said: “ANYTHING YOU WANT HER TO [WITHIN REASON].” [Editor’s Note: I would just like to point out that, up until this point, Mr. “Cobra” made his article into a single long paragraph. As editor, I did nothing to change this, because I found it funny.]