Andover is a unique place. Unique people go to Andover. A while back I wrote ways in which one can classify an Andover student. After further careful observation, I have added a few more: If you and your friends have fun improvising songs with a “rock band” that includes an obo eand a violin, you might go to Andover. If you think that driving a hybrid car is going to have any significant impact on the environment, you might go to Andover. If you think that failing one microbiology test will have any significant impact on your successes in life, you might go to Andover. If you won’t admit that George Bush really went to Andover, you might go to Andover. If you think that Siberia is a large field to play soccer, you might go to Andover. If you have ever been excited about free nachos in Ryley Room, you might go to Andover. If the last time you talked to your parents involved a reminder to change the batteries in your TI-83 Silver Addition, you might go to Andover. If you have ever waited in a line to buy any Harry Potter book the day it came out, you might go to Andover. If you are a decently looking teenage girl who likes to have fun, experiment, and get a little kinky, you might want to call me. If you think that snorting ADD medication is the only way to get a 6, and you live in a girls’ dormitory, you might go to Andover. If you are a girl, and date an older guy just on the basis that he is older, you might go to Andover. If you can bench press more than your boyfriend, you might go to Andover. If you have ever sat on a stained sofa in the basement of a cafeteria watching a T.V. with your friends, and that is the best Saturday night you have ever had at school, you might go to Andover. If you are a decently looking teenage girl who likes to have fun, and likes a man with huge muscles and a killer fro, you might want to call me. If you think that every high school in America has its own art museum on campus, you might go to Andover. If you have ever read a book and cried, but only cried because there was a grammatical error, you might go to Andover. If you have ever tried to get a sponsorship from Starbucks, you might go to Andover. If you have ever read a Commentary article in The Phillipian and not felt any liberal presence, you might go to Andover. If you have ever donated money to any sort of “save the animals” foundation, you might go to Andover. If you think that Andover, MA is a happening place, you might go to Andover. If your headmaster has turned into an Evangelist during all school meetings, walking up and down the aisles with a wireless microphone, you might go to Andover. If you have ever woken up in the middle of the night, remember that you had work to do, you might go to Andover. If your list of extracurricular activities for college is longer than your Christmas wish list, you might go to Andover. If you and your boyfriend both get bowl cuts at the same barber, you might go to Andover. If you think that Andres Bobadilla ’06 is the man, you might go to Andover. If you are upset to go on summer vacation because it will disrupt your math sequence, you might go to Andover. If you still have the physical endurance to read this article, you might go to Andover. If you have ever played Dance Dance Revolution and been excited about it, even if just once, you might go to Andover. If you think that George Bush is a bad person, you might go to Andover. If you think that conservatism is a sort of disease, you might go to Andover. If you listen to rap, but are wearing a collared shirt, you might go to Andover. If you think that this article should hurry up and end, we are in total agreement.
