The Eighth Page

Winter Term Preview

Winter Term. When coupled together, these two words usually incite panic and fear into the hearts of Phillips Academy students. However, as a Massachusetts resident, I know that Winter Term is not a dismal time. In fact, I actually look forward to winter break. Why? I’m glad you asked Pablo. Well first off, since I must remain constantly cold and it is freezing, I can finally stop wearing my cold suit (as modeled by Arnold Schwarzenegger playing the role of Mr. Freeze in Tim Burton’s Batman and Robin). It’s a bit cumbersome and inhibits my ability to spit game to da ladies. Secondly, and most importantly, there are so many interesting things happening around campus. Let’s talk about sports. Winter Term has a plethora of tantalizing sports. This year, the Wrestling Team is looking to sweep the league with the return of Captain Gabe Worgaftick ’06. Gabe, who was voted the most likely reincarnation of Jesus Christ by the College of Cardinals this year in Rome, will toy with his inferior opponents on the mat. Boy’s Hockey is looking to recover after their shipment of high-grade beaver steroids was confiscated by the El Salvadorian Custom’s Agency. Zack Johnson ’08 , who was found with the shipment, is still being held down there. Go get em’ boys. The basketball teams are both looking good, but more importantly, SLAM has fashioned some “new hot beats for y’all to step to.” Unfortunately, I did not make SLAM seeing as I am a tall white boy with as much rhythm as 1950s suburbia. There goes my dream of being a back up dancer for Kelly Clarkson. Aside from sports, student activities boast some fun things to do aside from making yellow snow balls to throw at the English building. Everyone knows about the Blue and Silver semi-formal, which usually has about as much attendance as the Capitalist Club in North Korea. Besides Blue and Silver, the commentary section of the Phillipian is planning to sponser a dance, where Dawson Gage ’06 and Prateek Kumar ’07 will perform the R&B classic, Just the Two of Us. Admission will be your 401K and the rights to your political beliefs. However the most popular activity is, of course, reading Will Cannon ’07’s Feature’s articles. You could also read the rest of the Phillipian, but, it’ll probably just take you too long and you would end up just getting aggravated and throwing a brick through the window at a retirement home. Lawrence Dai ’09 has opened up a sushi bar in the basement of Rockwell, and received rave reviews from food critics all over New England. When I asked him what prompted him to do this, he made a weird chirping sound and tried to bite my jugular vein. Still not convinced Winter Term is a no-holds-barred barrel of good old American fun? Well you’re lame. Go sit in your dorm room and watch the Seinfeld box set while making love to your pint of Ben and Jerry’s. I’m not going to stop you. Anyway, for the rest of you easily persuaded people out there, Winter Term can be a magical adventure full of fun and excitement. Just remember all the fun things there are to do and watch while you catch hypothermia while walking from Graves to Bullfinch.