The Eighth Page

Scout Team

The few, the proud, the elite: the Phillips Academy Scout Team Football Squad. These immortal men are a handpicked, select group of trained killers who go out on the field each day to punish and beat those known to most of you as the starters. This group of marauders is led by none other than Coach Raj “the dali Raja” Mundra. The word Mundra originates from the Greek God Mundrameus, lord of all that is brave and powerful. Mundrameus was the omnipotent leader of the Mount Olympus flag-football scout team in his day. Raj Mundra, half-man, half-machine, was forged in the volcanic fires of the Nepalese mountain range. Sworn brother of Achilles, Mundra toured nationwide by the age of 13 as the World’s Strongest Boy. Once people discovered that he was half-machine, Mundra was disqualified from future competition, and let loose his anger through the game of football. He changed his name to Lawrence Taylor and joined the New York Giants and soon became the most dominant defensive player of all time. After a laffy taffy [Editor’s Note: D4L? I thought so.] problem banned him from the NFL, Mundra took back his old identity and joined the Phillips Academy faculty as a biology teacher. He now teaches seminars on half-man half-machine equality and trains his killers on a daily basis. Although this might seem a joke to some, us scout-teamers must follow a strict code of ethics, preparation, voice control, and spirit. Whether after-practice sessions to perfect sideline cheering for Saturday’s game, or the strict diet of honey and ambrosia to soothe the throat and voice box and protect from injuries, scout-teamers are devout and loyal followers to the game. A versatile bunch, the scout team is two-deep in every position on the field and can imitate any other team’s offense or defense. Led by quarterback Will Sherrill ’07 on the offensive side, the PA scout offense is known to tear apart the starters on a daily basis. Sherill’s two favorite weapons, Steve “T.O.” Loeffler ’07 and Mike “Modeste” Tully ’07, provide a potent air and ground attack, respectively. On the defensive side, scout captain Matt Yeager ’06 punishes offensive linemen and running backs alike with his chiseled lacrosse All-American body. Martin Serna ’07 also dominates on the defensive line with his chiseled physique and is currently under investigation for killing three men with his bare hands in last week’s game. Two other stars that must be mentioned, Peter McCarthy ’07 and Andrew Park ’06, have had to balance their time commitments between football and modeling, but show up on the field, ready to play every day. Park, a G-Unit and L.A. Looks feature model, spends six hours in the weight room each day to benefit both careers. McCarthy on the other hand, makes money off of his remarkable thinness and is most well known for his role as Tom Hanks’s skinny double in Castaway. Coach Mundra has the ability to find talent wherever it may be. For example, he found Matt Yeager in the depths of the Amazon hunting piranhas with his bare hands, while being raised by a pack of wild boar [Editor’s Note: No, Tully, that is New Hampshire]. Coach Mundra’s most hailed recruit, Connor Flynn ’06, found in a maximum security prison in Kazakhstan, is currently being recruited by the University of Miami, USC, Notre Dame, and the prison team in The Longest Yard for their scout team defensive line. Although a fitting tribute to the men who prepare the only undefeated team on campus everyday, this column does these men no justice. Come out on Saturday at 1 p.m. to cheer the football team on and add your spirit to those men listed above. And who knows, they might even get a few plays at the end. Please Coach. Please.