Ah, women… what does that word imply here at Andover? Well, that depends on whom you talk to. If you’re talking to Jonathan Adler ’08, as I sadly most often am, it means a bunch of vague references to difficulties with “the ladies.” Depressing though that may be, it fortunately doesn’t really have any actual bearing on the women of PA. If you were to ask me just one question, “Gabe, can you provide any sound advice in regards to finding success with those of the female persuasion?” probably wouldn’t be it. For one thing, I doubt anyone reading my articles is anywhere near that articulate, let alone coherent. Secondly, you’d probably waste your question on some stupid gibberish about grizzly bears or something. Thankfully they don’t pay me the big bucks to talk about grizzly bears – in fact, they don’t pay me at all, which is a good thing, because I really don’t know anything about grizzly bears. Instead, I choose to ramble on for an indiscriminate amount of time about the girls of Andover, because that’s the sort of thing that happens when you let John Badman ’06 choose the theme. To understand women here at Andover we need to take a trip back in time, ala “Back to the Future.” Unlike “Back to the Future”, however, this trip back in time doesn’t involve playing wingman for your dad so he can get with your mom. I have enough of that crap going on at home as it is without having to go back in time, thank you very much. Instead, we go back to Junior year, a time when I was considerably less accomplished with the ladies. However, as a 14-year-old me will be quick to point out, I am considerably more accomplished in the art of freestyle rapping and freeform poetry. I call it a wash. As with the majority of stories involving my freshman year, this one begins, ends, and, except for a trip outside to pay the man from Pizza Bravo, takes place entirely in my room in Rockwell, which, as an interesting aside, smelled an unpleasantly surprising amount like Oregano. It was a typical Wednesday night in Rockwell: Simon Keyes ’06 was professing his hetero-love for hall-mate and hetero-life partner Ford Anderson ’06, Evan Platt ’06 was shaving, which was both enviable and impressive at the time, and Steve Kim ’06 was taking his 27 pound lobster Reginald for a walk around the dorm. It is at this point in the story – i.e. the beginning – that I realize that I cannot tell a single story from Junior year that involves a member of the opposite sex. Not a one. So… um… Mr. Driscoll’s wife was hot. There. I said it.
