We would like to start by pointing out the fact that we (Johnny Cobra and UnGh) both support the lottery. It is a tax on the poor, and seeing as we hate hobos and UnGh LOVES money, especially money taken from the hands of a starving, deprived freeloader, the lottery is the best invention since the clock on the stove. However, because we are under 18, entering the lottery is difficult for us. (Maybe not the likes of John Badman IV who has been known to have certain members of the faculty buy him scratch tickets). Yet, for us mere day students (or as we call ourselves, DAY STUDS), entering the lottery is tough. Therefore, we were forced to enter the next best thing to the Massachusetts Powerball: the Andover Housing Lottery. Now I know what you are thinking, “Day Students can’t enter the housing lottery…” which you say in a very whiny voice. Well, whining gets you nowhere in life, and as previously stated, we are day studs and can basically do anything we want, so bite us. As we were saying, we entered the housing lottery. As we walked into Commons to pick our numbers we immediately walked to the head of the line (Day Studs wait for no one). First to pick was UnGh who, as always, picked the last number possible, for he is truly a waste of space who always gets picked last. Johnny was next. Johnny, unlike UnGh, has enjoyed the finer things in life. From Dippin’ Dots while at the mall to the latest gossip in the halls… well you get the point. Anyways, long story short, he picked number one after bribing whoever it is who hosts such things (reminder: we are day studs and we don’t take sass from anybody). After drawing number one, our choices were the following: 1. A one room triple in Nathan Hale with some unsuspecting ladies to woo. 2. A one room double in the dumpster behind Fuess, which would make us both “Fuesses.” 3. Inside Owen Rameika’s ’06 mouth. 4. On a pirate ship in the middle of Rabbit Pond. 5. A tree fort in the Sanctuary. 6. Sleeping on the floor of C-Bizkit’s stable. 7. Living in the “secret” tunnels between Morse and Sam Phil. However, we passed up all these fine choices for the penultimate of domiciles, the holiest of holies, the Babsiest of Babsies, the one and only BAB’s house. This, however, posed a few significant issues. First off, housing with BABs would entail being careful crossing Main Street, EVERY SINGLE TIME. [NOTE: while we realize that this may be possibly the most clichéd joke on campus, we feel that, given the circumstances surrounding its introduction, this may be the best possible joke in our artillery at the given time. Pathetic, isn’t it?] Just kidding, living with Babs would be way lame. And since Johnny is the man in our relationship he did what any guy would do in that situation. He totally sniped the top bunk. Now, excuse us, but the BLC is coming and she said lights out was at eleven. But we are rebel freshmen, way too cool for lights out, and come to think of it, way too cool for school. Day Studs, over and out.