When Features decided to do a section on class here at Andover, I realized that most would write about ways to make class fun or ways to skip class altogether, but not I. Contrary to most, I realize that class isn’t about having fun, it’s about doing well. That’s why I’ve decided to present to you my keys to doing your best in class and keeping a GPA as stunning as my own. Also, while we’re on the subject, I won’t tell you my GPA exactly, but I will say it is usually higher than that of former Features editor Anthony Green ’05, and mind-bogglingly lower than that of past, present, and future Features sworn mortal enemy Su Zhu ’05, both of whom are ironically Columbia Class of ’09. Before you can do well in a PA class, you need to be able to understand the grading system. Andover’s 6-point grading system is based principally around a concept I like to call that “4-zone”. The 4-zone is similar to the Red-zone in football, except it’s the exact opposite. Essentially, the 4-zone is that point in the term in which you realize that no amount of work, including seducing and/or cursing your teacher via magick, can bring you up to a 5, while simultaneously it would take a bombed test of epic proportions to bring you down to a 3. Plainly put, you’d have to spend the entire final filling in each answer blank with the top 52 things you hate most about your teacher. Best friend of slackers, the 4-zone is a versatile tool. I personally have had moments in which I’ve found myself in the 4-zone 20 minutes into the first class of a term. It’s that powerful. “But Gabe,” you ask, interjecting like the huge tool you are, “what if we don’t want to spend every class thinking about how you would marry Kim Possible, if only she were real?” Well, I can’t really imagine what that would be like, so I don’t really know what to tell you there. What I can tell you is that Kim goes to Middleton High School, is on the cheerleading squad, and would be my bride, were it legal or at the very least physically possible. All compulsive obsessions aside, getting that grade your aiming for is easier than you think it is, unless the class in question is Animal Behavior, in which case no one, anywhere, ever, could think that class is easier than it actually is. My dog doesn’t know how to pee like a normal boy dog, hence taking my place as secret shame of the family, and even he managed to get a low 5 in that class. Seriously. Of course, the problem remains that you aren’t allowed to take an entire course-load composed of Animal Behavior, though that’s not to say that Andres Bobadilla ’06 hasn’t tried. So then what should you do to get those ever-so-elusive honors grades? Some would say buckle-down, participate in class and get plenty of extra help. I would say those things suck. Therefore, you best bet at this point would probably be to go all-in and challenge your teacher to a “You Got Served” style dance-off on the first day of class. If you win, you get a 6, if you lose, well, you got served, sucka. It’s important to note that this doesn’t work for Dance class, but then again, who actually takes dance class?
