The Eighth Page

Features Presents Upper Year

If there’s any large group upon whom I enjoy making collective judgments based on the two and a half members I’ve actually met, it’s the class of ’07. Gracefully, the class of ’07 roams the Freeman room in the library as the noble wildebeest roams the frozen tundra of the north. Unfortunately, as time progresses, along comes man, who must strike down the mighty beast with his fearsome spear and lord his shame-covering loin cloth over all who dare challenge him. As such, in the coming months it seems inevitable that the class of ’07 shall be struck down by the ape-like man that is Phillips Academy wielding the primitive spear that is Upper year, wearing the filthy loin cloth that is Andres Bobadilla ’06. Nevertheless, ’07 must march onward into Upper year with a sense of pride and purpose, even if the majority of that pride comes from being able to name all the magazines the library subscribes to. (I apologize that I keep coming back to ’07 spending a lot of time in Freeman, but that’s really all I know about you guys. Seriously. Keep me up do date; send a letter or something, please.) So as the year comes to an end, I feel there is no better way for me to impart my wisdom unto the class of 2007 then by sharing some of the most pertinent experiences from my own Upper year. Let’s watch shall we? We shall: Day 1: Fuess! I arrive back to my home away from home with great anticipation. Upon unloading my belongings, I leave to mingle with my classmates on the great lawn, while my parents put away some of my things. Upon returning they have been introduced to both Will Allen ’05 and his power tool collection, which becomes an unfortunate theme throughout the year. “That guy is weird,” my dad remarks. Day 20-ish: Elcodrive! The hard-rocking band makes their presence felt throughout campus. I am so blown away I devote my next eight Features articles to mocking both the band and WPAA. Anthony Reyes’ ’05 anger is second only to the time I wrote his suit came from Armani Jr. “Armani Jr. doesn’t exist,” he scathes. Day 3: Time travel! Alas, I am sent back in time and forced to experience the majority of fall term all over again, including, but not limited to, the time I tried to eat 100 tacos in one day. This time I succeed. Day 82: The PG’s expose themselves to me again. This marks the fifth time Kevin Maresco ’05 has claimed to have sat in some gum. It also marks the fourth time that wasn’t true at all. Day 144: I attend the Asian Society sleepover. Never before have I DDR’d so hard. Day 182.34: I realize I have no idea how many days are even in the school year. Day 223: My History 310 final paper is complete. Though it does not pertain to my topic, I strategically place 23 references to poor people in my paper, as that composes the majority of what I remember from my fall and winter terms. Day 245: Jonathan Adler ’08 fails to get into Fuess, but gets into Bartlett – his third choice with a 163 in the all-school lottery. This marks the oddest day in my life, second only to the day one month previous in which I found myself alongside “Featurez 4 Fun Foto Editor” Justin Yi ’06 attempting to explain to the entire Exeter newspaper board how the News section of The Phillipian chooses their writers. This actually happened. I’m not kidding. So that’s pretty much my Upper year in a nutshell. Some would argue that I didn’t actually do the majority of these things, and others would go so far as to say the majority of them are physically impossible. I would argue that you can shut up, I’m the one who took Physics 300.