The Eighth Page

Andover Coffee

Ever since the first day that I came here, I have always noticed the massive amount of PA brand apparel. There are shirts, sweaters, underwear, and plenty of other things that can be left up to your imagination. Sometimes I think people can go a little overboard, or they simply cannot let go of their dream about being a Blue Key Head. Sometimes it almost seems a little redundant to be sporting a PA shirt; if you sit in my class and you wear it five out of the seven days of the week, it’s a little unnecessary. I know you attend PA, unless you’re some creep that just sits in on PA classes for some crazy reason. But, I thought it would be sweet to propose some other products that PA may be able to stamp their logo onto: – Phillips Brand Freebies in the Isham Basket – They’re about halfway there, but they could be better. They could be blue, maybe blueberry flavored. Why not throw a little decal on the side like “Go Big Blue!” or “Beat Exeter!” – Phillips Soy Sauce – This could perfectly compliment some late-night Golden Chopstick cravings. It would be a mixture of Soy Sauce, plus nutrients, and a large assortments of basic vaccines. When you’re eating Golden Chopstick, you gotta protect yourself. – Phillips Statue Replicas – This would be great for family. Maybe a model of the bell tower for your father, or the phallic statue for your girlfriend? Just be careful about who you give these things to; some might take offense; some might enjoy them a little too much. – Phillips Teddy Bear – I already know that they make a Teddy Bear that says Phillips Academy on its shirt and everything, in fact I own quite a few of them, and Badman ’06 resorts to its comfort every night while sleeping. However, I think it would be a lot better if they could model one after our very own Student President Ali Siddiqi ’06. He could be decked out in his suit and red tie, and the facial hair and everything. I bet they could make accessories to it, like a plastic Segway with a “SHAKUR” license plate. The bear would come equipped with a pull string so you could hear Ali soundbites again and again: “I am the Beast from the East!” – Phillips Caffeine Pills / Coffee – I mean, everyone on campus always crams like crazy using whatever they can to stay awake. Why not profit from something every student is bound to go running to in when procrastination strikes? – Book of Famous Phillippian Typos: With the newest addition of “WHATEVER YOU WANT HIM TOO (within reason)” this book would probably be a classic among students, alumni, and trustees alike. And I really think this list could go on. Unfortunately, because of both copyright issues and laziness, it will probably end at this point. If you happen to catch some of these babies downtown at the Bookstore, you’ll know who’s making it big-time.