The Eighth Page

Star Wars Episode CXVIII

Widespread excitement is hard to come by on the PA campus. As such, it’s hard to say there’s one thing that everyone is really excited about. However, if there’s one thing that everyone is at least mildly indifferent towards, it probably might be the new Star Wars film. Seeing such Star Wars fervor building up all around campus has gotten me thinking, “What would Star Wars be like if it took place on the PA campus instead of outer space, and I had directed it instead?” After thinking for a while, and then playing some Hungry Hungry Hippos, I came up with what probably qualifies as being close to an answer. The first thing I wondered was, of course, who would play the characters. Some choices were clear from the start; Andres Bobadilla ’06 would not only play Jar Jar Binks, he would also have the best selling action figure out of any of the characters. The seemingly obvious choice for Chewbacca would seem to be any of our many large and lovable PGs. I disagree – my choice for Chewbacca would be none other than Jason Duffett ’05 who Owen Remeika ’06, once described to me as “the single hairiest man I have ever seen,” plus he used to have awesome sideburns, which could return at a moments notice. Then there’s the issue of Darth Vader. Although he’s not quite as large and imposing as we usually associate with ol’ Vader, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say the role is best played by Edison Yi ’07 for a number of reasons. First, he lives in my hall and he’s the man, even though we haven’t ruled him out as being a prime suspect in the case of Daniel Adler ’05’s missing body wash, which he won’t shut up about. Secondly, I’m willing to bet he already owns the costume. In order to cast the Ewoks, we simply need to look to the lovable class of ’08, which means we simply need to look to that room between Freeman and Garver. You know the room I’m talking about. Well, at least Simon Keyes ’06 does. What would Star Wars be without Luke Skywalker? Well, I don’t really know, but I do know that there is only one man on the PA campus fit to play the role of young Luke. One part athlete, one part courageous, and about 16 parts goofy as hell, Ryan McDougall ’05 is the man for the role, plus he already owns his own pair of bright blue knee-high socks, which has to count for something. Locations would be easy to find as well, recreating the dank bar scenes on Tatooine would be a snap at the home of dank, ye olde Ryley Room. So there you have it, my version of Star Wars. I could go on detailing more of my ideas but I’m bored, hungry, and dinner is about to close. Plus I haven’t started any of my share of the research for my AP statistics project yet. Don’t tell Alison Murphy ’05.