The Eighth Page

The Land Before Time

I’ve learned a lot in my three some years at Andover, the most important (in order), 1) unicorn blood may make you immortal, but it will forever link you with Lord Voldemort, 2) this [stuff] is bananas, 3) everyone loves an adventure. Regarding adventures, although everyone does love an adventure, not everyone can afford one. Hence, I present to you a short guide on how to go on your own adventure for cheap. The cheapest adventure of all is writing for Features. For 600-800 words a week you can be transported to a fantasyland where your dreams come true and no one ever contributes or is on time. What fun! If you’re looking for an adventure that won’t make you so angry, there are plenty of on-campus adventures you can enjoy that won’t bite into your wallet. First and Foremost there’s German Club. Sure, I don’t know German, but I also don’t know how to get off the German Club email list, thus I am an official member of German Club. Every week I stop by and eat pizza while that creepy German guy laughs at me while speaking German to Will Riordan ’05. Now that’s what I call an adventure! If you’re not into verbal abuse you can’t understand or undue emotional stress, you can always go on another of my favorite campus adventures, a trip to the library. Besides playing tennis in Garver room (which wasn’t my fault by the way – Andre Agassi challenged me to singles match. Who could refuse? Not I.), if you walk around with the really short librarians, it’s just like Gulliver’s Travels, except instead of making you their king, they make you leave the library because you were playing tennis in Garver with a guy from OPP who looks like Andre Agassi with a limp. And substantially more back hair. Finally, if you’re looking for an adventure that you can enjoy with your children, I recommend either a trip to the PA playground outside commons after dark, or a late night trip to CCO. Just keep the hell away from Jonah Cohen. I wouldn’t trust that guy with a cabbage patch doll, although he did bring his own carpet to Ryley, which is pretty neat. So I guess in the end you could say that these adventures suck, and you would be right. I think what I’ve been trying to say for the last few hundred words is that the greatest adventure of all is the adventure of life. That and The Land Before Time IV.