“At first it was hard to cope with the change, but now I’m just going with the flow,” says four-year Senior Charlie Pilmer. “In fact, while they can hold us back in some subjects, they’re surprisingly versatile in biology and animal behavior.” Exeter has for weeks now been experimenting with Red-backed orangutangs in the teaching department, letting go of their entire previous staff. “Look,” says headmaster Tyler Tingley, “I know that this might draw a lot of fire from our trustees, but with recent budget woes this seemed like the only solution.” Indeed, the orangutangs, while a hefty initial investment due to their endangered species status, have proven to be much cheaper and more efficient than the human teachers previously employed by Exeter. With great work ethics and no desire for higher wages, these simian life-savers have saved the Big Red thousands in department expenditures. “I used to hate American History,” said John Rainer ’06, “but with Mr. Bubbles, our new teacher, I have a whole new interest in the subject. He does all this totally sweet stuff. For example, last week Charlotte was talking in class, so he started using her to play catch with Captain Ronaldo, the new janitor.” John Rainer is one of many students who approve of the new monkey staff members, a much cheaper and more amusing alternative to humans. “Captain Ronaldo and Private Spinky have been holding it down lately, it’s totally crazy. They might not really do much, but I saw them get in a fight one time…it was totally sweet.” However, as with any plan involving monkeys, there have been a few problems. “Some of them are really touchy feely. I mean, the other day when I went into the basement , I saw Jingles and Mrs. Frumpy getting a little frisky behind the fridge, although to be honest, it kind of turned me…
