The Eighth Page

Fashionably Red

The first Exeter fashion revolution of the year is here: Red is the new, well, RED! Sure it brings out the disgusting acne we have on our adolescent faces and makes the pale people look albino, but besides that, it is just the most amazing color EVER! I mean, red is supposed to be a sexy color…and gosh darn if that new crimson argyle sweater my grandmother knit me isn’t sexy, I don’t know what is! Some people associate red with the devil, as do we, because it correlates with our devilish good looks!    The other day I was out shopping and found the hottest red socks! They are really thick and have little pink hearts all over them (symbolically representing my love for the color.) I wear them every single day and don’t bother washing them because I don’t want the chemicals in the washing machine to fade my beloved socks. The other day I was walking to class and this girl on a tour started pointing at my favorite new apparel. I kept my head high, recognizing that she was astounded by my style expertise and told her where I found the socks. She said, “That’s great…do they sell them with toilet paper already tucked in?” She was such a kidder! She thought that I didn’t know there was a trail of toilet paper that somehow got stuck in the stupid idiot socks… In other fashion news, the bookstore now sells multicolored tape which is perfect for repairing your glasses! Forget the old-fashioned duct or masking tape, you can now sport bright pink, orange, army print, or tie-dye on your glasses where they cracked in half. Even if your glasses aren’t broken, you can wrap the tape around the center…no one needs to know that your spectacles aren’t split. So what if we can’t wear flip flops? We have something even cooler than them: Tip Tops. They are shoes that are equipped with various academic facts. Formulas and definitions are inscribed in the soles, and a calculator and thesaurus can be accessed by pulling particular parts of the shoe laces. When you are really bored at the football game because Andover is beating us so badly, you can just take off your shoes and study. The heel has a compartment of trivia questions to share with your pals. Sure, our toes aren’t exposed, but with all of Tip Tops’ amazing features and study tips, who needs the comfort, convenience, and style associated with flip flops? Ok: newest beauty revelation that all started here at Exeter. Throw out your hair brush and straightener…a fro is the way to go. When our hair is all snarly and huge, it brings out our primitive nature. There’s nothing like going au natural on a Tuesday morning…the more frizz the better. (Believe me; the cave girl bouffant is catching on!) New York City and L.A have nothing on us. Because we aren’t distracted by huge buildings and mega department stores, we can have our own unique style that, you just watch, is definitely going to be catching on to the rest of New England, the nation, the world, and, pretty soon, the entire galaxy! Its official, Exeter, New Hampshire is the most fashionably-literate spot in the entire Milky Way.