The Eighth Page

Classy, Dece, and Classy

Every night, usually after dinner or maybe before, either way it doesn’t really matter, we sit down at our desks and begin a long night of homework. Calculus, Biology, Bird Watching… it all straight-up sucks and tears away at our spirit day-in and day-out. Isn’t the point of going to classes to learn? Yes. But no one ever told me going back to my room is supposed to be about learning too. Sure, I learn a lot about movies or the anatomy of some dorm mates, but for the most part, dorm time means fun time. I hate to break the news to every student, but no one in Taylor Hall does homework. A long time ago the dorm pleaded their case to the DC after members of the dorm failed every class. The outcome: Taylor victory. The DC declared homework “unconstitutional”, well really just “unreasonable,” and disallowed the completion of any homework assignments within the realm of Taylor. Why do you think this is such a popular dorm? No, Badman has nothing to do with that. Now, feeling pitiful for all of you homework-doers, I took some time out from my Halo 2 research paper to compose some ideas to ease the processes of doing homework. Why? No, I really don’t like you that much. Instead, it’s just because writing a list is pretty damn quick and we’re about to start a movie soon. So listen up! Advice like this is rare and always underappreciated, and I don’t know about you, but that girl in “Kill Bill” is hot! Let’s get it on! – Go raid a room. I heard it’s pretty unpopular, but at the same time extremely fun! – Convince the international students in your dorm of false American traditions. I have two kids down the hall on restriction because I told them Halloween is a school-free holiday. – Order a large amount of take-out under John Badman’s ’06 extension. – Go iron your collars, there’s no such thing as being too stiff. – Get involved with some extracurriculars… not. – Experience a night of the Taylor Hall fight club. If you like it, maybe you can join our secret missions. – There is no fight club, so forget it. – Try to figure out why Americans are so stupid… That is, only Exeter alums. – Start thinking about college… Parties, girls, freedom… man it’s gonna be great! – You might be a redneck if your wife fills up the tub and then turns on the water. – Have a Baked Scrod eating competition. The record is, um, a piece. And that, fellow readers, is a small taste of life in Taylor Hall. I hope you are all jealous now. You see, the way I put it is: “Experience is more worthy than any education,” and I certainly have had some noteworthy experiences, so it all works out. And every night, when you’re in front of the computer, whether before dinner or maybe after, it really doesn’t matter either way, just think of me… then get back to work. My popcorn is almost ready and the movie is warming up, so if you don’t mind, I’m done.