Coming from a well-sized public school in semi-rural New Hampshire to Phillips Academy has certainly been a monumental transition. The classes, the environment, and the trends are all substantially different. At my old school, the only language available was Proper English, ‘politics’ was the reason one couldn’t drive their snowmobile to school, and Sex Ed involved… Just kidding. The Senior party has been busted three times in a row during my attendance there, seriously. Three years ago, a partygoer shot a flare through a neighbor’s window. Two years ago they called the police to tell them the party was taking place in a different town, but the line was traced. And last year, well it was held at the same place from the previous two years. In fact, the only time the Seniors were successful was when they traveled two and a half hours away into southern Vermont to pull off the party. Canada is only an hour and a half away. So what does this all mean? First of all, don’t go to New Hampshire to party, the cows get upset. Second… we, as in new students, have experienced a huge change in our lifestyle during these past few weeks. I, fortunately, have successfully survived this deadly change. But for those still having troubles, I have composed a list of useful hints that have worked just fine for me. So give it a shot! And it goes a little something like this… 1) Pop that collar boy! If not… I’ll pop a cap in your heiney. 2) Read Badman’s article. Maybe it won’t help you, but he needs more readers or he’ll be dropped from the paper soon, so do me a favor. 3) If people ask you what your parents do for a living, get creative! “Yeah, you know the shoe? My dad invented it.” Or… “My mom designed the Statue of Liberty, after she did the Eiffel Tower” Or, if all else fails… “My parents work for the CIA.” 4) Get an iPod, and if you can’t afford one, steal one. Hey, it’s not the music that matters, but the look. Sometimes if you put on white headphones going into your pocket, you’ll pass off just fine. 5) If a kid going by happens to wipe out on his bike or eat it going down a set of stairs, give a little laugh, but don’t help. 6) Whenever you go to a dance, hang out for about 15 minutes before you decide it’s lame and leave. Then go to Ryley for about 15 minutes before you decide it’s lame and leave. Repeat as necessary. 7) Get an authentic college sweatshirt. Remember, it must be either Ivy League, have an acceptance rate under 30%, consist of at least one primary color, or, if from California or Texas, it must be made out of 98% cotton. People here are picky. 8) When people ask where you’re from, try to impress them… “Yeah, I’m from the Bronx, how ’bout you?” “No, I was born in Russia, you see, and then moved to Australia when 10-years-old. I now live in Spain, but will be moving to Los Angeles in a couple of weeks. How about you?” “I live in New Hampshire, how about you?” (That’s the best!) 9) Learn to BS. Andover has higher expectations and more demands of your skills. 10) Get to know the squirrels, they can be your very best friends. And that concludes my weekly article… I hope all new students may use these helpful tips to the best of their ability during their assimilation into the Andover environment. As for me, it is now time to reminisce over my day of joyous cow-tipping. SPLAT!!!
