The Eighth Page

The Presibunny

I am a student at Phillips Academy Andover, home to the best and brightest students from all over the world. I have high aspirations. When I arrived at this school, I had my heart set on being an international lawyer, perhaps a senator, maybe even the president if I played my cards right. Since coming here, however, I have honed my intentions on a future that is far nobler than being the president of the United States. I want to be Hugh Hefner’s successor. I want to be the owner and chief executive of Playboy, the most revered corporation in the world (as seen by male viewers between the ages of 13 and 21.) [Editor’s Note: Make that 13 and 15.] I figured the justifications for my dream would be self-explanatory, but when I told my parents about my dream job, the phone conversation fell to utter silence. After the long pause my parents dared ask, “why would you want to waste your time dreaming about such a worthless, sexually-driven job?”