Approaching that time of the year when underclassmen decide where they want to live next year, I thought that I would help students decide which cluster or dorms best fit their personality. Right now I want you to think about yourself, and who you really are, and then with my help, match yourself with the correct location.
Prada, Gucci, Burberry, Longchamp and Louis Vuitton. Such are the labels overflowing in sophisticated American Cities like New York, Boston, and Chicago. They also happen to be the favorites among Flagstaff girls. Flagstaff, which includes the high-rise dorms Foxcroft, Bartlet, and Paul Revere, can best be described as a metropolitan zone. The cluster is the heart of the campus, with paths overflowing between classes, people always in a rush with their heads down to get somewhere, and the bustle of Commons. During the weekend there is always nightlife, from gangs outside of the Ryley room like scenes out of Celebrities Uncensored, to sketchy characters holding paper bags while standing underneath one of the many street lamps. Most of the dorm rooms in these dorms are just like real estate in major cities, with small rooms, and even smaller bathrooms. Usually one can hear music coming from one of Bartlet’s best rooms facing Sam Phil; it is usually my dog DMX or Eminem. This cluster is perfect for the well-cultured, wild and crazy party animal.
Walking from the craziness of Flagstaff to the paths of WQS and WQN, one starts to notice white picket fences, birds chirping, freshly cut grass, and a small boy and his father playing baseball. Yes, this is what we call the suburbs. To any of those underclassmen seeking a place where they can walk around, breath fresh air, and have large rooms, this is the place for them. People in these clusters enjoy the benefits of not living near the heart of campus; there is less air pollution, noise, and best of all, there are larger dorms and dorm rooms. Also, if we are talking real estate, the fact that Isham Health Center is in this cluster, providing fantastic healthcare, the value of each room is increased at least 10%. Students can enjoy lacrosse games, slip-n-slides, baseball, and Frisbee on the open quads.
Walking down the road towards CVS, students will come to know the cluster of Abbot. This is the country, with small dorms and large amounts of land between them. I don’t really know any dorms in this cluster, but that does not matter, because I can still stereotype. These students are not that interested in the academics or sports, but rather farming and living off the land. Some of them never even leave their small dorms, but rather hunt woodland creatures and fish out of the sanctuary over in Pine Knoll cluster. If you want to live like a hermit and partake in very little socializing, Abbot cluster was made for you.
Excuse me, I hear ’a knocking at the door. It was Snoop-d-o-double-gee! He had to go though cause he had gansgta business to attend in Bishop.
As we all know, outside of most cities, where the start-up families live, there is always low-incoming housing. These housing complexes are usually one to two stories tall, have small balconies, and are in real-estate zones that are in inconvenient locations. To call Pine Knoll cluster this real estate zone would be unfair, and just plain cruel. So I will. Pine Knoll cluster is great for that student who wants to live in the woods, look out over the beautiful sanctuary, have a long walk into the main campus, and wake up lying next to cinder block walls. While many of the students in this cluster become defensive over their housing situation, I see no reason to be. This is a respectable place to live, as we all know some people are not as blessed in life.
And so, mentioning most of the clusters on campus, I leave it to the children of tomorrow to decide where they want to live.