The Eighth Page

Kickin’ Back Winter Style

What, I wonder, could I say about winter term that you don’t already know? Thanks to Ed, the custodian who cleans Stuart, King of Dorms and home to me, I found out that it was cold outside (I also learned this from the fact that all the snot in my nose froze the second I stepped outside, but I thank Ed for the trenchant observations he had on a daily basis regarding a) how cold it was and b) whether or not snow loomed on the horizon and if so, how much and for how long.). Thanks to the very dead and somewhat dismembered squirrel I found on the balcony of Anthony Reyes ’05, next to whom I live, I learned that a devilish little monkey was on the prowl. Thanks to my second back-to-back sleeping-through of History 300 (meaning that on two separate occasions this year I’ve slept through first period American History twice in a row), I learned that the work picks up if you are an Upper. But you knew all that. You shivered in the 4:00 a.m. cold when your dorm’s fire alarm went off; you furrowed your brow in confusion at the devilish little monkey’s freaky antics; you headed to the “sleeping room” to escape handing in your homework more times than you can count. I briefly considered an Adam Kapor-style article full of large words and cries that the school administration, like a man we’ve come to know and love, is nothing more than a “phantom onanist.” But no, no; it could not be, because I do not have the attention span to write such an article. So I thought I would talk to you about a subject that I’ve found has all but vanished from our collective discourse since the Pace of Life Committee came in to clean up Dodge. This subject is recreation in the winter term. Whether you are a dedicated seventh period snow football player or simply enjoy breaking stuff with the handsome Features Editors, winter term is the term for fun at Andover. You can’t miss them. At the end of every winter term school day, a veritable Whitman’s Sampler of motley goons gathered in front of Women’s Forum’s favorite statue to play football (In the snow. Hence the aforementioned title “snow football”). This Lower posse played long and hard on the tundra-like expanse all through the term, and though I never joined them or talked to any of them about it except for when I asked Nate Scott ’05 why he had two broken arms and a large bruise on the side of his head, it looked like a lot of fun. Those boys can play rough, though, Nate, so as your Features mentor/Big Brother, I urge you to play safely. Derrick will make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if you come home on time and do your schoolwork afterwards. [Editor’s Note: Jasper, it’s a serious crime for a 35-year-old man to be caught appreciating student artwork or the majesty of the Knoll more than he should, so we had to cut this paragraph. You really can’t make light of such disturbing behavior or its mysterious and fascinating perpetrator. Really. And aren’t you writing this note anyway? This is, like….metaphysical. Word up. Back to the article.] Of course, for extra-big laughs, you can always check the Anthony Reyes ’05 damage report. Every week, the Features Editors secure something for him to break and he just “whangs the crap out of it,” in the words of Phillipian Ju-Ju Man Clem Wood ’04. A unique form of winter recreation, these monkey antics have brought a smile to the face of their perpetrator and the legions of his adoring fans through these winter months. That does it for all of the interesting ways I found this term to do to kick back — some list. Anyways, I hope winter term has been as beautiful for you as it has been for me. Don’t let the 5.0 crack down on your fun-having this term, and let’s hope spring comes soon.