The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Week’s Top Headlines

Dr. Kington Takes Freshman EBI, His Implicit Bias Scores Will Leave You Shocked
Watch Mojo: Top Ten Reasons Why Ultimate is the Coolest Sport on Campus
Progressive Wing of Andover Boys Lacrosse Program Argues for Equal Distribution of Points
PACS Unveils Plan to Switch Cars Every Few Months to Trick Mischievous Students
Deans “Licking Their Chops” for First Lawn Weekend
Paresky Commons Takes Tips from Ye, Serves Two Fish Meals on Tuesday
Violent Content: Den Line Reaches Main Street With Just Three Minutes Until Class!
T.U.B. Flag Stolen and Replaced by American Flag in Shocking Twist
Upper Management Tries to Add Clause to First Amendment Exempting Eighth Page Members