The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: A New Look At Journalism Here At Phillips Academy

Recently, the Upper Management of The Phillipian and I decided it would be best if I did not join (it was a mutual decision, and I actually decided for myself I did not want to be a part of UM). This was a blessing. Now, I can create my own paper, one that is fresh and new. I have founded The Fillipian. The Fillipian is a new start to serious journalism at Phillips Academy, one where the people on UM really deserve their spots and aren’t just pretty and rich, (reminder: it was a totally mutual decision made between me and UM; I actually rescinded my application). The Fillipian will stimulate the minds of the student body with its very unique content. We will be cutting any semblance of News or Arts because, ew, nerds. Our new “Ninth Page” will be a hilarious comedy section of the newspaper, with hilarious stuff like “Overhead on the Roads” or “Month’s Top Newslines.” There isn’t going to be a boring, outdated, and run-of-the-mill sports section; instead, there will be a new dynamic section called “Athletic News.” Another new addition is the gossip column, with tips such as “Senior Couple Struggling to Stay Together After One Member Pledged to a School; That is SO Not The Other’s Vibe” and “The Fluid in That Covid Test Tube is NOT Spit.” Xoxo Gossip Gunga. As a student body, we can now say goodbye to the boring, repetitive nature of The Phillipian, and say hello to a new, inventive, and never seen before work of art, The Fillipian.