The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

Study Shows Higher Rates of Sadness Among Students, Cites Lack of ASC Planners as Main Cause

Barron Trump Reportedly Applying to Andover on John Palfrey Lankiness Scholarship

Day Students Totally Not Becoming de Facto Doordash Drivers for Boarders

Vice President Pence at Debate Lists All Things Scarier Than Covid-19, Including Affordable Healthcare and Roe v. Wade

Senior Overwhelmed With Work Soothed by Prospect of Watching Friday Night Open Mic Over Zoom

School-Provided Breast Milk Fridges Actually Really Spacious, You Just Don’t Want It Enough