The Eighth Page

Features Prom Roast 2010

Ryan Marcelo ’10 and Calista Small ’10 Grade: 2 This grade should really help Marcelo’s GPA. Alex Du ’10 and Georgia Pelletier ’11 Grade: $100 That’s how much he paid her to say “Yes.” Eric Sirakian ’10 and Jackie Lender ’11 Grade: 4 Let’s hope they don’t interpret the campaign slogan “Lender a hand” too inappropriately… Luke Duprey ’10 and Shannon Burke ’10 Grade: 3 Luke iz eksited two take Shannin to porm. B.J. Garry ’10, Dylan Cahill ’10 (cousins) and Ashley Hess ’11, Katie Hess ’11 (sisters) Grade: 12 [Insert tasteless, incestuous 4-way joke here] Spencer Macquarrie ’10 and Katherine Bouzianis (Guest) Grade: 1 Based on Spencer, we’re guessing she’s really ugly as well. Charlie DiGiulian ’10 and Taylor Garden ’11 Grade: 1 Per usual, Charlie is following Spencer. Helen Lord ’10 and Peter Nelson ’11 Grade: 0 Really, Helen? Nelson? Oh Lord… Mia Pecora ’10 and Jay Dolan ’11 Grade: 3+ Sorry, Mia. Jay normally doesn’t let people score. Redmond Colson ’10 and Sayer Mansfield ’10 Grade: 3- Sayer’s going to prom? Does she even dance? Weird… Bobby Vardaro ’10 and Peyton Wilson ’10 Grade: 5 Peyton bought two dresses–one for herself and one for the handkerchief in Bobby’s tuxedo pocket. Charlie Walters ’10 and Claire King ’10 Grade: Four, more, more more. One! Charlie, a preemptive “F-you” for the tuxedo you’re going to wear. Katie Riley ’10 and Chris Kreider (Guest) Grade: 19 Wow! That’s awesome, Katie! Isn’t that the guy who played on the same team as Killer?! Kyleigh Keating ’10 and Brooks Dyroff (Guest) Grade: 19- We see what you did there. Good try, Kyleigh. Katie wins. Brian Safstrom ’10 and Maggie Law ’10 Grade: 6 The photographer should be paying them for photos. Mike Ma ’10 and Anita McDowell ’10 Grade: 3 If the DJ plays “Run This Town,” there’s at least a 50 percent chance that Mike starts stretching in the middle of the dance floor while breathing heavily, then sprints out the door. Bobby Chen ’10 and Taylor Smith ’10 Grade: C-minor BOBBY MUST PLAY CELLO! Chris Higgins ’10 and Marilyn Hewett ’11 Grade: Incomplete What? Have these two even met? Julian Chernyk ’10 and Julie Cachia ’11 Grade: 4+ Julie, come find us in the Phillipian room. We can give you roofies – not for anything dirty – but so you can finally take that stupid Dolphins hat off Julian’s head, along with whatever dumb lax pinnie he decides to wear under his tux. Jenn Schaffer ’10 and Dominick Chang ’11 Grade: 2 Not worth it. If we say anything mean, Jenn will have a convoluted 2,000 word rebuttal in Commentary next week. Lincoln Bliss ’10 and Courtney King ‘10 Grade: 5- Isn’t that the kid from Draper? Nice find, Courtney. Faiyad Ahmad ’10 and Brenna Liponis ’10 Grade: 5 Be his first lady! Tim Ghosh ’10 and Julia Zorthian ’11 Grade: 4 Ahhhh, it all makes sense now! That’s how she beat out Liam! Andrew Hong ’10 and Yerin Pak ’11 Grade: #1 Andrew, if I were bringing a pack of anything to prom, I would not go with a Pak of Yerin. John McKenna ’10 and Anna Fang ’10 Grade: 6 Scotty doesn’t know. Nathalie Sun ’10 and Dan Larson ’11 Hannah Lee ’10 and Fred Grace ’10 Natalie Cheng ’10 and Rob Stevens ’10 Grade: 0 Arts Sucks. Will Winkenwerder ’10 and Guest Grade: 2” Really? A guest? But he’s such good friends with the Paul Revere girls! And he talks so much about that small meat! Sam August ’10 and Casey McQuillen ’11 Grade: 4+ I wonder if they will du-et. Eliza Flynn ’10 and Ben Podell ’11 Grade: 2 These two will decide that prom is totally a lame scene, then go outside and hang out in an alleyway with drifters. Mollie Lee ’10 and Charlie Cockburn ’11 Fred Shepard ’10 and Kristina Ballard ’11 Grade: 4 Please, for the love of God, stop. Saying “get a room” isn’t cool anymore, but seriously… get a room. Henry Morgan ’10 and Sarah Hackney ’10 Grade: C++ Good thing Techmasters Gaming Night meets on Wednesday! D’bigsexy Austin ’10 and Olivia Howell ’11 Grade: 5+ Olivia will be Howell-ing after D’bigsexy shows her how shiny his Phelps award is! Billy Fowkes ’10 and Juliet Liu ’10 Grade: 6 Juliet, are you looking to continue a relationship into Yale? I don’t think this is your Best option. What are you Du-ing? Lawlz! Matt Higgins ’10 and Orie Idah ’11 Grade: 4+ Orie, don’t forget to remind Higgins to bring along his spare battery and install his software updates before prom! Kyle Leahy ’10 and Colleen Flanagan ’10 Grade: 5 This couple is so white and Irish, we had to put them in lighter font. Michael Scognamiglio ’10 and Celia Lewis ’10 Grade: 3+ Did anyone actually hear Celia say “yes” at All School? Good way to prevent a rejection, Scogs. Adam Tohn ’10 and Emily Hutcheson-Tipton ’10 Grade: 5 Weird. That grade also happens to be the percent chance that Tohn wears shoes. Adrian Lehnen ’10 and Meghan McCafferty ’10 Grade: 4 Someone in this couple will end up getting a tattoo in honor of their prom date. We’ll give you a hint. It’s Adrian. Tom Hamel ’10 and Laura Amorosa ’10 Grade: 0 They get a zero because she’s Canadian and because Hamel has been such an unfriendly jerk for the past four years. Sebastian Becker ’10 and Laura Lee ’11 Grade: 5 To match his height (which includes the pre-prom perm), Laura will be wearing -3” heels. Kyul Rhee ’10 and Julia Dean ’11 Grade: 3- I wonder how their first conversation went… or better yet, how it will go… Sara Bakrow ’10 and Dan McMurtrie ’10 Grade: 2 McMurtrie will be attending via Skype from SYA in Communist China, sporting a Confederate Flag tuxedo vest. Ben Nichols ’10 and Zary Peretz ’11 Grade: 6.66 Prepare for a night of love, Zar-Zar. 12 gigs of love, to be exact. Nichols redefines dinner and a movie.