Showers of roses, boxes of chocolate, and heart-shaped notes announce the arrival of Valentine’s Day. The unique environment of boarding schools, where students live, learn, and grow together, fosters all kinds of connections, from deep friendships to fleeting crushes. When it comes to dating at Andover, however, our experiences are marked by both challenges and opportunities.
Dating at a boarding school invites additional challenges on top of the usual frustrations of relationships. While social media has made the process of meeting and connecting with others beyond our social circle vastly more accessible — through texting, DMing, adding on Snapchat, or swiping right on a dating app — those same factors have contributed to the normalization of non-commital relationships. New terms have even been invented to describe these ambiguities, such as “situationship” and “talking stage,” leading some to view relationships as an unnecessary emotional investment. Indeed, dating at a boarding school comes with its own difficulties. Whether through late-night dorm gossip or casual chatter on the paths, private matters often quickly become public knowledge in an insular campus environment. Rumors gather, texts fly, and for those at the center of public scrutiny, the resulting hypervisibility can heighten anxiety, especially in first relationships. Furthermore, with students surrounded by couples on campus or scrolling past anniversary posts on social media, dating can seem like an essential part of the high school experience. Feelings of boredom and loneliness may compound the pressure to date. However, balancing a romantic relationship on top of our academic, social, and personal commitments can leave students feeling even more overwhelmed.
On the other hand, constant interaction in close proximity can accelerate the cultivation of meaningful relationships. As Andover offers the privileges of independence many students long for, students are eager to explore relationships and seemingly novel experiences. Andover students don’t just spend traditional “school hours” with friends and peers in the classroom. Everyone shares breakfast, lunch, and dinner in Paresky Commons; students form study groups in the library at night to prepare for an upcoming test; students mosh together at school-wide dances. The intersecting spheres of our academic, social, and personal lives help students socialize. As a result, dating at Andover can feel more accessible and immediate, as the structure of campus life eliminates common barriers that exist in any other high school setting.
Whether you’re cuffed by love or other responsibilities, everyone can celebrate Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is ultimately a time to express love and gratitude to all the people who make Andover a second-home to all of us. Whether you’re hanging out with friends in your dorm or making the spontaneous decision to eat downtown, Andover is a space for students to bond over shared joys and shared struggles; navigating the challenges of boarding school together is what ties us together as a community, no matter our priorities, interests, or goals. Although romance is most closely associated with Valentine’s Day, embracing the different relationships and degrees of emotional commitment with the students around you may be as enthralling. So this Valentine’s Day, say “I love you” to your best friends who have been there since the beginning of your journey. Say “I love you” to your trusted adults who have supported you at Andover. Most importantly, say “I love you” to yourself for all the growth, resilience, and joys you’ve experienced at boarding school.
