The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Finals Study Strats

Putting my homework notes on an audio file with subway surfers playing on screen.

Paint the Art Canvas with tears

Hitting my physics teacher with a hammer and replacing my grade (inelastic collision)

Cheating on my ethics assignment

Putting my history teacher on the 2073 APUSH exam curriculum if I don’t get 100%

Get a 5 (Execution Date: First day of Thanksgiving Break)

Blackmailing my teacher (Yeah, you write a letter asking for something now, English teacher)

Becoming the Third Neuralink Patient

*Bzzzzzzz*

Adderall – “At least it isn’t crack my bro” – Abraham Lincoln

Educating myself on the exhilarating and downright fascinating adventures of the great Royal Highness “Von” of the “O”, allowing me to live up to the fullest of my teachers expectations.

Practice problems: Find the probability that I pass math class given that I made a bomb threat in class. A: 72%

Train yourself like a Dog: 1 Zyn for every question you get right

Break knees (yours or other people’s) and go to Sykes for an extension (100% success rate)