The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: An Inside Look At This Student’s Photo Wall

It’s redecorating time again, and you know what that means!! Time to take the photos of everyone who isn’t “New Term, New Me” off of my wall! (Or at least cut them out if I look good in the picture.)

The first picture is of me and this girl named Jessica. I’m taking this one down because she smells like rabbit food. I once met a rabbit in the forest, it bit me, and I got rabies. Rabies Jessica is out.

Second, I will be cutting our driver’s ed teacher out of this picture of me and my friend, Maria, receiving our driver’s licenses. Though it’s a great memory, it turns out he was selling meth to everyone else in the class and was arrested a couple of weeks ago. If there’s a mug shot on his photo wall, he can’t be on mine. 

Third is my stupid Christmas card with my stupid stepmom that my dad made me put up last term. I told him I would keep it up if he agreed to part his hair in the middle. Instead, he went bald! Goodbye Christmas card!!

The fourth picture I will be removing is of me and my lying cheating boyfriend Carl. Carl, if you are reading this, I hope that “group project partner” of yours gets tired of your “that’s what she said” jokes and leaves you. 

Next, I will be cutting my dog out of this photo from the day she was euthanized. It’s her bad side and I know she would kill me if she knew I had it up. But I look good and the lighting is nice so I won’t take it all down. It’s what Ellie would have wanted. 

Last one is me in Florida this August. Didn’t realize people expected me to wear a mask to the nightclub! It was outside! Covid-19 is like so hard to catch outside, all 20 people in this photo obviously agree with me. But I’m getting too much hate, so I guess it will come down for now.

Thanks for going through my collage with me, besties!! The VSCO is next…