The Eighth Page

Phillipian Humor: 6 Things Only Cluster Deans Will Understand

  1. Students always turn in overnight excuses late: C’mon, kids! You’re supposed to be smart — the deadline is Wednesday, no exceptions. Any later in the week and the Deans are way too busy producing toxins to sign a form!
  2. How tough and exhausting the work day can be: Ugh! Talk about long hours. There’s nothing worse than that feeling when you’ve been wearing your face-mask for so long that the scales under it start to itch.
  3. When you arrive late to a Deans’ Meeting and everyone else has started secreting larvae without you: Every dean knows what it’s like to be the last one in the room to ‘cocoon up’ and start birthing reptilian pupae — no fun, especially when all the good chrysalis chairs are taken.
  4. You’re sick of students asking for car permission when they’re already in the car: Sigh. If the deans had a blood-soaked drachma for every time they got asked for a late car permission, they’d have enough for a year’s worth of rituals.
  5. Only your fellow deans will get you when you say, “The regeneration of my tail is making my skinsuit uncomfortable”: The other deans are, at the end of the day, your best friends, and no one else really knows what you mean when you complain about how awful growing a tail back can be.
  6. Deans look out for each other: When you first came to Andover, you weren’t really sure if you’d fit in with the rest of the faculty, but now you’re in a group of teachers that will always have your back and be honest with you — even if that means letting you know that the synthetics aren’t hiding your forked tongue and yellow eyes. More than that, they’re supportive and kind, especially when you need it most. There’s no one you’d rather work with.