The Eighth Page

Features — Phillipian Satire: Grasshopper

Despite the 14 hundred tickets sold and standing ovations from audience members, Andover’s student performance “Grasshopper” has mysteriously disappeared and left performers uncertain about the future of the show. No one knows exactly what happened, but many speculate that an organization of parents named the “Blueminatti” intentionally ruined the future of Grasshopper, out of concern for their children’s college applications, thereby taking away the already meager fun their children have at Andover. The Blueminatti is reported to have stolen all the chairs from Tang and booked the room for the next four years. In addition, they took the dongle to connect one’s computer to the projector, rendering the space unusable.

To cope with their loss, students from two a cappella groups, the Yorkies and Azure, have been singing around campus to try and seduce the Grasshopper to return. David Montague ’19 said, “They go caroling around alternating between singing in English and chirping in insect.”

In addition, members of BlueStrut and Hypnotiq have tried to replicate Grasshopper mating dances in order to entice the show back. Furthermore, The Rebecca M. Sykes Wellness Center has had an uptick in those students being admitted, due to the violent shaking experienced by students having nightmares about the sudden departure of Grasshopper. It is uncertain whether Grasshopper will return. In a final effort, students have started posting on their respective class pages about a “lost grasshopper,” as one last push for the return of Grasshopper.