The Eighth Page

Features – Phillipian Satire: Top Ten Ways You Were Unlucky (Friday the 14th)

10. Your house counselors closed the door when they saw you approaching.

9. Your Andover Goggles stopped working.

8. You sat on the cactus you planted at Country Fest.

7. One of the reverends from the Chapel “smited” you.

6. You have $6.66 left on your Blue Card.

5. You didn’t hold the door for Magic Club’s President.

4. You received a Central Services notification, but they insisted you don’t have a package.

3. A Bullriding injury at Country Fest ends your sports career.

2. You got fooled by an ITS Help Desk phishing email.

1. You thought it was Friday the 13th.