The Eighth Page

Too Many Phonies Andover Student Caught in the NY

Uuuuggggghhh I must be the only real person around here, buncha phonies, that’s what all these phonies are—a buncha dump pre-, post- and during-pubescent phonies. I came to New York to escape the phonies, and these people are way more real than Andover!

I just walked outta the Natural History museum, and boy, those dinos aren’t phony. They’re real, bad to the bone. No secrets. No lies. No phoniness. Yeah, I like those dinos. My sister Phoebe used to call me Triceratops because my head’s so big. Yeah, well it’s gotta be in a world this big with all these brains and truths swarming around, unlike those pea-brained buncha phonies.

I just got into the city from phony Andover. Those Big Blue phonies. They say this is a school with youth from every quarter, but they act so grown up. I come here to be a student, and these kids start to dress up in red. Disgusting. I mean, what is that? What phonies! They say they bleed blue and then one day they wear all these shades of red. Burgundy, fire engine, crimson, rust, scarlet, republican, wine red, almost 50 shades.

Like, what absolute phonies. They all wear red then claim they bleed blue, mere days before our main spirit day at school.

What phonies. Triceratopses would never do a phony thing like that. Oh, and a week before that, they were all gallivanting around in the gym in various costumes. I mean, what phonies? What phonies! I know they’re just pretending to act like actors and halloweenies! All those people, man, such phonies! I had to get away, I just had to. I hopped on a fast train to New York City right after that indignation, leaving 180 Main Street as soon as possible and now we here. Those kids, they think it’s some kinda big, big deal that they go to Andover, they should just see these Triceratopses here at the Natural History Museum. All of those phonies, man, they act like a big ol’ brigade of buddyroos. Nauseating, man, just nauseating. I’m the only real person there, man, they’re all phonies, so I came here to New York to escape them, and it worked! The phonies stayed in Andover, so it’s just me and the Triceratopses. Oh, and six million other people, not one of whom is fake, unlike some of the stuff I deal with here on Academy Hill!