The Eighth Page

Correspondence of a Healthy Relationship – NOT!!!

Dear John, I hope that all is well with you over Spring Break. I have heard from a little bird of mine that you have been going to a lot of parties down in Jamaica. I hope you know where your heart lies—with me. And don’t get that confused, because I have another little birdie in Jamaica, and his name is Ed, and he likes to play “tag” with unfaithful people with knives. Remember, I have stood with you, through your drug problems and your stint with the Arts Section. I know you remember all of that, and that you appreciate it. No one else helped you realize that Arts is terrible. That was me, and me alone. Not some tramp that will grind up on you at a party. Enjoy yourself, but appropriately. We can talk more after you get back, but remember that slow and steady wins the race. You don’t need to screw some girl over break. That can wait until college, or even marriage. I know you have been patient but just stay loyal for one more year, or maybe five, and remember if you aren’t, I will hunt you down