The Eighth Page

A Holiday Jamboree

Every year, the “mascots” of the well-known holidays get together and socialize. It’s a much needed get together, considering they’re off preparing for their respective holidays 364 days a year. This year, the party was held on Valentine’s Day. Luckily, a voice recorder was running, and the following was immortalized on tape: Cupid: Hey, guys. My day in the spotlight has finally arrived. So, no more jokes about my diaper or the fact that no matter how many years go by I still look like a two-year-old, okay? Easter Bunny: Everyone knows that Valentine’s Day is a day for guys to get their girlfriends chocolate and flowers in hope of being “thanked” later. It’s revolting! Your holiday isn’t even named after you; it’s named after some guy named Valentine. You’re pathetic. Cupid: Well, all you do is hide a couple eggs from some kids. I use my arrows of love to make strong and spiritual connections between people searching for soul mates. I make relationships that last forever. Santa: That’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard, and I live in the North Pole with a bunch of elves. Cupid: Hey, Santa, zip it, okay? If it weren’t for me, there wouldn’t even be a “Mrs. Claus.” Santa: I didn’t even like that old broad. You shot that arrow in my butt, and I couldn’t fight it. Now I’m stuck with her. So, thanks a lot, Cupid. Tooth Fairy: I’m with you Santa. I can’t think of anyone that would want to spend eternity with that woman. Plus, I’ve seen her teeth. Just awful. Can you say gingivitis? Cupid: Hey, Tooth Fairy, I think I feel my tooth is about to fall out. Maybe when it does I’ll put it under my pillow, and you can replace it with a quarter as I sleep. You’re a joke. April Fool: Is that a compliment? Cupid: Does anyone else think it’s creepy that he goes into little children’s rooms while they’re asleep and puts stuff in their bed? It’s a little too Michael Jackson-esque for my taste. What do you think, Easter Bunny? Easter Bunny: I think Valentine’s Day is still the dumbest holiday ever. And what is the Tooth Fairy doing here anyway? He doesn’t even have a holiday. Tooth Fairy: I got in with my fake George Washington I.D. Apparently I look like a founding father. Santa: Oh yeah! Take away the wings, slippers and wand and add a wig and there’s no telling the difference! Tooth Fairy: Cut the sarcasm, Santa, or I’ll tell Mrs. Claus what you were really doing last Christmas. Cupid: Hold on a minute—Easter Bunny, what is your problem? What do you have against Valentine’s Day? Easter Bunny: I guess every year I watch people find their special someone and have a good time, but I’ve never been shot by one of your magical arrows. Why haven’t you paired me with someone? Cupid: Do you know how hard it would be to find another talking rabbit? Another Talking Rabbit: Did somebody say my name?