America’s New High School Sport

Guess what the fastest growing sport among High School males is in this country. Basketball? Football? Soccer? Hockey? Wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong. The fastest growing sport among High School males gets less time on TV than soccer, tennis, or even women’s billiards. Its professional athletes look far more like your creepy Uncle Joe than Terrell Owens, Barry Bonds, or Lebron James. In fact, America’s up and coming youth sport is one in which there are more mathletes then athletes. If you haven’t figured it out already, the answer is bowling. Yes, in a country that breaths slam dunks, big hits, and home runs, bowling has taken over as the fastest growing sport among High School aged boys. How, or why, or what the hell? As silly as it sounds, bowling really makes sense. Its physical fitness regimen is up there with community service basics; if you can walk five feet, and pick up a 12-16 pound ball, walk five feet, drop the ball, and walk back, then you can bowl. And never mind watching your diet; in bowling, you can down an entire McDonald’s supersize meal during a match without fear of puking. While bowling is wonderfully simple, it can be gloriously satisfying as well. Angry about school work, parents, or social life? What better way to say ‘screw you’ to the world than to throw a ball as hard as you can and knock down pins? You can beat the crap out of those pins, with no fear of any kind of retaliation. In bowling, no one is there to yell at you for not passing, playing time is never a problem, and if you give less than 110%, frankly, no one is going to care. So there you have it. Bowling is America’s fastest growing sport, and why not? It’s good, clean, competitive, fun without the baggage of athleticism, team spirit, effort, or time. But until you exchange your cleats for those funny clown shoes, remember that bowling is not quite as glorious as it seems; chicks just don’t dig the 7-10 split.