The Eighth Page

The Eighth Page

DC This

As I look back on my extensive record of disciplinary infractions, I’m amazed by two things: the diversity/severity of my offenses, and the fact that I have yet to be “DCed.” Despite my ‘clean record,’ I can no longer bear the guilt of my crimes. Therefore, what follows is a thorough, detailed account of my…

The Eighth Page

Back in Action With Uzoma

Guess who’s bizack. Ahhh, finally the gag has been removed, the censorship has been lifted, and the infamous Uzoma Kevin Iheagwara ’04 is back in action. This angry black man has been oppressed long enough. I’ve been tied up in the Phillipian room cellar by “The Men” Craig Ferarro ’03 and Duncan Dwyer ’03. After…

The Eighth Page

Top 10 Ways to Spice Up the Blue and Silver

10. Spike the strawberry punch…with cherry Kool-Aid. They’ll never notice. 9. Switch dates for a song, then refuse to switch back because your date is uglier. 8. Wear a tuxedo t-shirt. It puts the semi in semi-formal. 7. Willingly take a breathalyzer test and continue to insist that you’re drunk to look cool, even after…

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Fashionably Loud: Tips from the Mastermind Himself

You can always sense the heterosexual love in the wind-chilled air whenever the Blue and Silver semi-formal dance arrives. For those of you with limited “mad knowledge,” the standard for this ball consists of a gentleman bringing a female chore monkey as his date. But for those of you Casanovas as stylish as I am,…

The Eighth Page

A Little Girl’s Journey for Love

Recently, I got an email from the two Features Associate Editors that confirmed my worst fears. It read, “Jess, try to be more funny-haha than funny-pass me another mint julep, Jeeves.” Simply stated, I just wasn’t bling-bling enough. In a world of Ja-Rule and Jay-Z wannabes, I was taking lessons from, well, Mr. Rogers [Editor’s…

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