The Eighth Page

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Dean Goes Undercover To Catch Students Breaking Rules: Not Hugely Successful

Saturday, after binging several seasons of “Undercover Boss,” Dean of Cruel and Unusual Punishment Deaniel Notakid began a covert sting operation within the student body, claiming his crusade to seek out rule-breakers was a mix between “21 Jump Street,” “Black Swan,” and “Mr. Bean.” Adopting the name Deaniel, Dean Notakid rushed to Susie’s after donning…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

Edgy Freshman Who Dishonestly Filled Out State of the Academy Hailed a Legend ‘Prom is For Losers’: An Investigative Report By Local Loser Andover Pastor to Officially Give Blessing to Rains in Africa on Sunday News from Mighty Jungle: Lion Maintaining Steady Sleep Schedule Rabbit Pond Water Turning Frogs Into Mutant Ninja Turtles Tables in…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Lost & Found

This weekend we took it upon ourselves to clean out the newsroom’s Lost and Found. Here are some of the things we decided to steal from it. –The baseball team’s humility. –Last week’s Sports section. –Three of Regina the Spider’s eight legs. –A kazoo. –Upper Management’s “Burn Book.” –Anonymous D.C. statement. –Taxidermied squirrel.

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