The Eighth Page

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

Athlete Risks it All and Showers Without Flip-Flops in Boys’ Locker Room Illness Spreading Around Campus Traced Back to Bartlet’s Communal Toothbrush Friday Night Showing of ‘A Quiet Place’ Just Footage of Day Student Lounge Uppers To Be Officially Granted Permission to Complain About Work Next Sunday The Truth is Now Abundantly Clear Local Shepherd…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Overheard on the Paths

“I’ve made the decision on my parents’ behalf to avoid contact with me until Thanksgiving.” “Next week has me really exhausted.” “I wake up in the morning feeling a shade of flamingo.” “Purell is an illegal substance.” “This is the first time I’ve seen daylight since yesterday at 2:45.” “Midterms are my ‘turning-point.’ ” “Nut…

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