The Eighth Page

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

Academy Accountants Notice Extreme Surge in Commons Corn Budget Admissions Declares Application Process Over to Free Up More Time for the Shuman Photoshoot Small-Town Girl Steps Off the Bus and Onto Campus With Nothing But A Suitcase Full of Dreams “I Miss Pasta Mondays” Says Student Who Was Promptly Tarred and Feathered Heated Argument Over…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Overheard on the Paths

“I’m emotionally dehydrated” “Do you have a favorite stall, too?” “Would you sign my petition for an anti-vax Girl Scout group?” “I was calm until you raised your voice.” “I’m thinking of going back to Pandora for their Indie Stations” “Nothing but respect for My Susie’s” “Can I see a manager? I’m still waiting on…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Classifieds For The Lovelorn…

Andover can be a lonely place, and it’s not always easy to meet new people. So every week, we highlight one real, actual student who is on this campus and looking for love (serious relationships only — we don’t advertise hook-ups). If interested in putting your name here, email lrademacher21@andover.edu. Andrea Pinga ’19 Cool Facts…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: How to Get a Date

The Eighth Page is swimming in significant others, having to turn them down constantly, and would obviously never have to pay someone to pretend to be their girlfriend when they go home to impress friends and reassure family. To help out the rest of you not-so-talented dweebs, we’re publishing our secrets. The Eighth Page presents: How…

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