The Eighth Page

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Rejected Grasshopper Acts

Mr. Palfrey Softly Singing “Africa” by Toto While Being Hoisted By Flocks of Doves. A Freshman Doing Tricks in Heelies While Tweaking on Freebase Caffeine. The Muppets Cover of “The Andover Song.” Your Mom Yelling on Stage About How Disappointed She and Father Are With You. The Smallest Freshman You’ve Ever Seen Doing Fortnite Dances…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

“Nobody Believes in Me Anymore,” Says Local Ghost to Therapist PKN Announces Secession Plans to an ASM Crowd Who Really Just Couldn’t Care Less “We’re Going to Last All Four Years!” Says Freshman Couple Celebrating Two-Week Anniversary Son of Parents Caught Hooking Up in Chapel Basement Offered Two Years of Free Therapy Student Attempts to…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Bitter, Washed-Up Teachers Flaunt Childhood Insecurities at Olympics

When Mike Bradley ’21 saw the “Weekender” ad for the “Student Versus Teacher Olympics,” a flood of pure emotion poured into his brain for the first time since his Zumba-induced concussion. Strutting into his favorite Quadrangle wearing a Bruins sweatshirt and his middle school’s finest “New Boxburn Dragons” backwards baseball cap, Bradley cast his eyes…

1 2 3 311