The Eighth Page

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Non Sibi Weekend

Dear Student Body (copy to adults), Below is a list of the various activities scheduled for this year’s Non Sibi Weekend. Please sign up, remaining mindful of any potential athletic conflicts you might have. Skipping your Non Sibi Project will result in three cuts. Kind of ridiculous that some of you lazy elitists wouldn’t show…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Eighth Page Presents: “Goings-On ‘Round the Town”

Vol. 1: College Counseling Meeting Counselor: All the schools that you’ve listed as possible are unlikely. Student: Okay, so what’s an example of a possible, then? Counselor: … Student: Please. Give me one example of a possible school. Counselor: Have you considered touring any in-state community colleges? Vol. 2: Poetry Reading Q&A Moderator: And now…

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Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

-Lower Boy Chewing Gum at Dance -Freewheeling, Loose Cannon Administrator Throws Out Proposals for 6×8 Schedule -Dumb Cherry Blossoms Fall All Over Cookies -Blah Blah Blah Don’t Litter on the Lawn Blah Blah Blah -Guest Hypnotist Hypnotizes Student to Forget All SAT Prep -Faculty Introduction to Means Essay Declamation Wins Award

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: This Week’s Top Headlines

Host and Revisit Student Exchange Awkward ‘Hug or Handshake’ at End of Tour Varsity Baseball Recruit Joins Dodgeball Team to Throw 98 mph Fastball at 105 lb Freshman Father John Misty Fan Upset that Mediocre Pitchfork Review Means She Can’t Enjoy New Album Affluent, White PACE Senior Prefers Topics of Gender and Sexuality to Those…

Phillipian Satire: Upper Can’t Decide Whether It’s Harder To Be at Andover, To Be Seventeen, Or Just to Be Her
The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Upper Can’t Decide Whether It’s Harder To Be at Andover, To Be Seventeen, Or Just to Be Her

Noting the near constant feelings of frustration and sadness with which she operates daily, Sarah Danielson ’18 reported this week the impossibility of pinpointing exactly what causes her anxiety and stress. “My first instinct was that Andover’s toxic and competitive atmosphere was the root of my insecurity and unhappiness. But then I thought, maybe this…

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