The Eighth Page

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Charity Campaign: Andover Athletics Commits to Losing Every Athletic Contest for a Year

Thirsty for wins and championships, Andover Athletics is as serious as they come, and the Borden Memorial Gym is at the helm. Year after year, they fail to disappoint. For centuries, Andover Athletics has fostered a competitive environment. But now, a local charity run and managed by retired Girl Scouts Troop 77253 looks to provide…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Greased-Up Streaker Poses Threat To Public Safety During Lacrosse Halftime

“People just don’t get modern art,” said Thomas “Thom with an H” Barry ’18 in response to general outrage to his actions during last Wednesday’s JV2 lacrosse game.            As the young student/aspiring vintage scarf collector, covered in WD-40, slipped and slid across Siberia fields last Wednesday, the Good God-Loving Christians…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

Student Expelled After Beginning DC     Statement for Plagiarism With “It Was       The Best of Mistakes, it Was the Worst Of Mistakes.” Ammunition for Faculty’s Prototype Catapult Now a Work Duty Option for Junior Boys Direct Link Found Between Dancing and Lack of Respect for Non Sibi Spirit Administration Subsidizes Students…

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