The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Classifieds for the Lovelorn
The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Classifieds for the Lovelorn

Exeter can be a lonely place, and it’s not always easy to meet new people. So every week, we highlight one real, actual student who is on this campus and looking for love (non-sexual only, this isn’t a brothel). Cool Facts About me! Water > Coke Once successfully escaped a pagan cult I own the…

The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Student Caught Breaking Rules, Teachers Pleasantly Surprised

In an unforeseen turn of events, earlier this week, Exeter’s Disciplinary Committee convened for the first time ever to bring four male students to trial. The Prep boys, John, William, Alexander, and Christopher, were caught cruising and playing hide-and-seek on campus at 10:31 p.m. last Tuesday. Although the students officially incurred minor punishment, news of…

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Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

Fifty Prisoners On The Loose After Bus Driver Mistakes PEA Campus for New Hampshire State Penitentiary PEA Student Reported To Dean For Looking Up “Happy Playlists” On Spotify Auditions Held for Best Weeping Boy to Greet Prospective Students How Exeter is Saving Money: Wellness Center Hasn’t Needed to Order More Condoms in Ten Years Students…

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