The Eighth Page

Students Discover Lost City of Atlantis

This past spring break, Andover students decided to journey into the Caribbean Sea for the adventure of a lifetime. Instead of sipping virgin Smartinis under the palm trees, or building extravagant sand castles on the serene beach, a select group of intrepid students chartered a yacht and set out on a trip that would become known as the Bruise Cruise (students acquired many bruises while knitting.)

Before long, students experienced a legit Titanic moment in the middle of the Caribbean as the yacht ran into a floating treasure chest that had been unearthed from the ocean floor. The seniors were on top of the world when they realized they had run into a remnant of the lost city of Atlantis.

After donning their scuba gear, our very own students risked their lives to swim 500 feet below sea level in search of the lost civilization. They ducked, dipped, dove and dodged threatening narwhals, seahorses and carnivorous plankton, but they landed on the ocean floor only slightly out of breath.

“Honestly, my spring break would have been loads funner if I had spent it at Señora Tadpoles, but like, I needed something exotic on my college application,” said Ariel, board member of the Hoarders club on campus.

After discovering the city, Andover students immediately plugged in their jackhammers. Their knack for archaeology is typical of Andover students, having become accustomed to digging through piles of homework every night. They unearthed layers and layers of sand before setting eyes on the golden gates of Atlantis.

King Triton appeared from the dust and greeted each Andover student. Mermen and merwomen flooded out of the rusty gates of Atlantis. Even the son of Poseidon, Jercy Packson, made a celebrity appearance.

Recent studies haved suggested that the release of these merpeople has negatively impacted the aquatic environment as the fishlike people discover the joys of sushi. The whale and shrimp populations have dropped drastically, while the crabs population has flourished. We hope that the Andover students will not be blamed for this – it’s not their fault that the only environment the students care about is their learning environment.