Early the morning of January 15, I held a finished Phillips Academy application in my hands and decided to throw it away. The neatly typed pages were not my own but rather my sister’s.

When my sister told me that she wanted to apply to Phillips Academy, I immediately recalled my own application experience. I thought that I could make her process much easier than mine, by helping her to conquer the application essay, practice for the interview and answer the numerous surveys.

I realized, though, that beyond the obvious moral ramifications, such involvement would prevent Andover from seeing my sister on her own terms and in the light of her own accomplishments. But it took me a long time to come to this realization.

As my sister applied to Andover, I reflected on the competitive process that is Phillips Academy Admissions.

According to Phillips Academy’s website, out of 3,168 applicants, only 458 students were accepted for the 2011-2012 school year. That’s a 14.4 percent admittance rate.

Such a minute percentage forces applicants to present unique life stories, narrate personal adventures and explain what services they have performed in their community, all while maintaining academic excellence. They must demonstrate that Andover needs them as much as they need Andover.

Standing out in such a competitive applicant pool is difficult. When sibling status is introduced into the equation, it makes this process even harder. My sister and I have grown up doing the same things, attending the same schools, participating in the same sports and joining the same clubs. Given these similarities, it would be easy for an Andover admissions officer to draw comparisons between us.

In reading an application that would seem markedly similar to my own, Admission officers may decide that my sister’s application is not unique or that she her specific profile doesn’t merit a chance to go to school at Andover. Such a problem would be exacerbated if I contributed my ideas or helped write portions of her application.

It’s not difficult to envision how a sibling would resent being scrutinized and judged in terms of another sibling’s work. So, if my sister did not get accepted because of my application and my experiences at Andover, it could potentially sow a seed of discord in our relationship.

On the other hand, if I were to mention the potentially negative effect of my help on her application, it could trigger a paranoia of identity that might lead my sister to apply to an entirely different school.

Considering these ideas, I ultimately resisted the urge to work with my sister through the process of applying. I explained aspects of Andover to her and listened to her ideas, but I tried not to contribute, edit, criticize or praise her application. I wanted my sister to apply to Phillips Academy in her own way and to navigate the process of self-reflection and work by herself.

I would encourage all Phillips Academy students who have a sibling or close family member applying in the future to take the same course of action. Your family member would benefit much more from creating their own story. Although the Phillips Academy application requires an applicant to mention any relatives that have attended Phillips Academy, do not let your overzealous involvement negatively affect a relative’s chances of admittance or deter them from applying at all.

This process is strikingly similar to the experience parents of high school students go through as their children apply to college. As my fellow Uppers and I begin this process, looking back at our application process for Andover can inform how we involve our family in college applications. Just as I came to realize my sister should complete her application on her own, parents of college applicants should trust their children with the same level of independence as they write their applications.

Connor Fraser is a three-year Upper from Andover, MA and an Associate News Editor for The Phillipian.