An outcry unheard of since the famous “Wounded Walrus” scandal has erupted on campus as Uppers have denounced the Senior class for their insincere attempts to graduate and move on to college.

The Uppers feel as though their Proctors and Captains are abandoning them in the midst of the time when they need each other most, in the midst of the “Upper gauntlet: Upper fall and Senior spring.”

“I can’t believe [my proctor] Jane,” said Julianna Krysalawt ’11, “It’s so unlike her to...