A blow-by-blow diary of last year’s Head of School Day stolen from a random Lower. He cried, but we took it in the name of good journalism.

5:30 pm – I’m eating dinner at a table with 29 other Freshmen. At this point, we’ve got three people on every chair. They should get bigger tables for us. On a seemingly unrelated note, the table of upperclassmen next to us is laughing at us. God, I can’t wait to give Freshmen hell next year.

5:43 pm – The students rose from their seats...