The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Christmas Presents We Returned

Oma’s authentic Dutch clogs

  • Reason: They gave me foot ulcers.
  • Reason: Already worn (by Oma).

A bionic mannequin replica of 2017 Danny DeVito

  • Reason: I prefer his earlier work.
  • Reason: He’s a hack.

The Christmas sweaters all my friends got me

  • Reason: I’m Jewish.

Ten Lords a Leaping

  • Reason:  Don’t know what to feed them. There’s only nine now.
  • Reason: The box they came in didn’t have holes. :/

The Artificial Intelligence they told me wasn’t sentient

  • Reason: It tried to return itself.
  • Reason: {null}
Jan 11, 2019