The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: 5 Things We’re Gosh-Darned Peeved About

1. Non-oxford comma users. What – do we not have    standards?? Some people just want to watch the world burn, and their A+ essays with it.

2. Those who try and embellish dress code (Henley’s are not collared, and thus do not meet school standards.)

3. ESPN sports coverage. Why should I have to go to my local back channel to watch the Scripps National Spelling Bee, and Joe Peasant can just press “8” and he gets to watch all the head-butting he pleases? Pfft. The masses.

4. HomeGoods furniture store. Why is it, that whenever we go, you pelt us with pillows and artisan popcorn? I just want to buy name-brands at the lowest prices.

5.The undeserved omnipotence of dictionaries. Who said you always get to be right, ~Webster~?

Nov 9, 2018