The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

  • Student Expelled After Beginning DC     Statement for Plagiarism With “It Was       The Best of Mistakes, it Was the Worst Of Mistakes.”
  • Ammunition for Faculty’s Prototype Catapult Now a Work Duty Option for Junior Boys
  • Direct Link Found Between Dancing and Lack of Respect for Non Sibi Spirit
  • Administration Subsidizes Students to Score Lower on AP’s to Help Overall Curve
  • Local Senior Citizens Reminded That Sykes  Is for Students Only After Walking Into     Wellness Center and Repeatedly Screaming, “My Joints Hurt!”
May 4, 2018