The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Look of the Week: Ramsey Jameson ’20 Takes Inspiration From Childhood Abandonment in Woodlands

Ramsey Jameson ’20 wows with trash bag and Christmas decorations.

With a sleek plastic trash bag layered over a mix of hot-glued leaves and Christmas tinsel, Ramsey Jameson ’20 exemplifies the ingenuity of Andover students, staying true to his rural self while portraying through his Hefty™ just what kind of person he is.         

“I think Jameson just really knows what fashion is,” said local drifter Gus Fuwks ’74, “He sticks to his roots and isn’t afraid to say, ‘Hey, we’re all trash.’ ”

Although Jameson grew up in southern Georgia, he’s not afraid to adopt some northeastern vibes. Rotating through accessories, Jameson proudly wears deflated footballs, maple syrup bottles, and an array of documents containing the varying excuses politicians have given for sex scandals.

Abandoned in the woods and raised by wolves, Jameson learned to make do with what he had and always attempts to integrate his fascination with woodland creatures and cigarette butts as much as possible. Once, Jameson was even seen sporting a fully grown live bear, which he made docile with the allure of the tobacco it had grown used to.

He said, “Living in the woods really made me learn my true self. I feel like everyone should come face-to-face with death at least once by their sixth birthday. Otherwise, they’re going to be completely unprepared for when the coyotes take over.”

He continued, “Holy Cow, have you seen those things? They’re rabid little scoundrels. They really do bite, too. I mean, golly, when I first looked a coyote right in the eyes, I swear it looked straight through me. It was like it could tell what I was thinking, and I knew in that moment that there is nothing that separates man from animal but his pretentious desire to wear clothes that put himself above the natural order. So, like, I guess you could say I make do with the best of what I have.”

Many students on campus have been reluctant to adopt the radical trend Jameson has set, crossing the paths in fear when he tries to wrestle down a squirrel for a fashionable headpiece.

Undeterred by his classmates’ reactions, Jameson continues to brave what he calls an outfit and can be seen on campus sporting a variety of different styles. For better or worse, he really has run with the lack of dress code, and we commend his ability to just wear anything — living or nonliving — and wear it well.

At press time, Jameson was being escorted off campus by an ambulance. According to the Rebecca M. Sykes Wellness Center, one of his clothing pieces bit him, and after some back and forth, he agreed to receive treatment for rabies.

Feb 23, 2018