The Eighth Page

Snyder Center Opening Ceremony After Party Incurs $3 Million in Damages

Saturday evening, Andover’s best and wealthiest gathered to celebrate the opening of the Snyder Center, also known as Head of School John Palfrey’s new stomping grounds. The foyer, decorated with streamers composed of $100 bills, made an excellent venue for the long-awaited event.

The party, DJed by two upperclassmen blaring Diplo, Michael Buble, and Nickelback, featured fun games and activities for alumni such as Cards Against Youth from Every Quarter, Raise the Racquet, and Pin the Empathy, Balance, and Inclusion on the Freshman, “I don’t really know how I ended up here,” said Julia Scott ’20, one of the few student attendees. “I just wanted to get a quick workout before sign-in, but I got caught in a conga line and still haven’t been able to get out.”

Donors swayed from side to side, reminiscing on the good ol’ days of awkward adolescent mingling at den dances and smoking cigars in the stacks. “Good music, good food, new squash courts, and like-minded, like-walleted alumni… Why, I haven’t had this much fun since grad weekend 1964,” said a certain notable alumnus and forty-third president who asked to remain anonymous.

As the night continued, party guests under the influence of wild sweet orange tea and chocolate milk challenged each other to a rowdy game of Truth or Dare, resulting in a unanimous decision by the Board of Trustees to vandalize the old squash courts in honor of Palfrey and the man of the evening, Steve Snyder ’59.

“Yeah, it was really fun. We wrote stuff like ‘Skwash rools’ and ‘February Frees are a waste of the ASM slot’ — just your average sports center graffiti,” said trustee Jamie Raymond ’73.

Despite the multi-million dollar damage done to the old courts, the night was an overall success. The opening gave donors and students a chance to see where the money comes from and set the tone for the coming years.

“I wanna be a trustee when I grow up,” said Scott Bail ’26 (probably), already the namesake of a number of building projects.

Feb 22, 2018