The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Art.Culture.Lifestyles. Gessie’s Corner

Meet Gessie, your new, semi-regular, Roger Ebert-esque reviewer

To those who are unaware of my presence in the community, I am Gessie Broadson, currently a member of the Class of 2019. I provide lean, unbiased, home-grown information for those who did not attend the events of weekends past. My catalog of chapter and verse, depicting the outcomes of events, and most importantly, how I felt about them.

Now that I have my intro out of the way, it is time to begin. I was thoroughly surprised by the happenings of this past weekend. As usual, I attended the most lively of the hustle and bustle on campus. This weekend it was going to be the Cluster Dodgeball Tournament, which, to my surprise, was canceled following Head of School Day, thus ruining my weekend. Yet, as times grew dark and my psyche became clouded by the length of this long weekend, the mention of Board Game Night at Susie’s roused me from my slumber.

I took a stroll to Susie’s as one would on a Friday evening. As I had expected, there were the usuals: the group partaking in Giant Jenga, the Seniors playing Apples to Apples, the Junior who smuggled a Cards Against Humanity set on campus, and, of course, the kids who play the same card game every Friday that involves slapping your opponent in the face while spitting and hastily translating tourist phrases I don’t understand — nay, I don’t recognize — and I therefore cannot join in play. I took a deep breath, assessed the situation, and spun right around to leave the feral establishment that was sponsoring this get together.

From this experience, I gathered that everyone was either at this Board Game Night, off-campus, or returning to their dormitories after being in Susie’s for over 10 minutes. To me, Board Game Night is a event that is both enjoyed and hated by all types of students at our school. If I were to give this event a rating from one to five, I would give it a strong 3.1–3.2, based purely off of attendance, liveliness, and whether or not the kitchen in Susie’s was open (which I could not find out due to my weak constitution).

As usual, this is G.BROADSON/THE PHILLIPIAN signing off until next time my frequently submitted articles get run in the paper.

Feb 9, 2018